So it is now officially the month of November, the month of Thanksgiving and the season where a lot of people who were enjoying their single life over the summer are now trying to be "cuffed" or "taken" into a serious relationship. According to the chart, we are in the final month of making rounds and making your last picks before December where the Season officially starts. To add to the cuffing season, I decided to talk about my experiences while multi-dating guys over the summer that I met through the app Tinder.
If you have been reading my earlier works, you would be familiar with the topic I once wrote about which is Multi-dating. The term Multi-dating is when you date a number amount of people at the same time, and as time goes on, you drop the ones you don't connect with or don't fulfill your wants and needs, to later choose one person to make it official with. The goal is to find someone who makes an excellent match for you. When I originally wrote my first multi-dating article, I was just talking about meeting people mostly in person, but now it's time to expand the topic to the online world.
A couple of years ago, I couldn't imagine or see myself meeting anyone on a dating site until one day before 4th of July of this year when I had the urge to see what was Tinder all about. I have heard a lot from people and reviews that Tinder was basically a hooking up and one night stand app, but I personally have seen the success of finding successful relationships among my friends who used the app and are still going strong today. So, I was like, "Why not try it. I am single and ready to see what was out there".
As I was checking out fireworks in Laurel, Maryland with a friend, I was creating my official Tinder profile on July 1st. I would say the hardest part of making my profile was creating the bio of myself. I didn't want to seem too emotional, desperate, nor did I wanted to appear like I wanted to just hook-up with randoms. What I wanted guys who checked out my profile to know was that I was in college, that I was a writer and pre-school teacher, and what type of guys that would be able to hold my attention if they wanted to do anything that involved me in the equation. Within an hour, I came up with the perfect bio for myself. It read, "I am a writer, a pre-school teacher, and a business woman. I am also a Junior at UMBC. I am a compassionate woman looking for an equally compassionate man. Someone who is understanding, caring, and very passionate about what they want to do with their future. I enjoy traveling new places and trying new things and want someone who enjoys the same." After that, I was set to go. I didn't need to worry about the choice of pictures because the app used images that I had already set as profile pictures on Facebook. I think I only changed two original photos to something else.
Once I got home, I started swiping left and right checking out local guys profiles. During the first five minutes, I only saw white boys as options. So in my head, I was like, "where are the black boys at? Is it because I'm using this app in Baltimore, Maryland? I know for sure, it wouldn't have been like this if I was using this app in Prince George's County, Maryland." Don't get me wrong; I don't have a problem dating out my race, I just thought there would have been a lot of options besides one race shown on the app since I was in Baltimore which all I see in the area are interracial couples. But then suddenly, I started getting more options, and my worries disappeared.
I continued to swipe left and right, I saw a couple of few guys that I swiped right too, and all of a sudden I got a notification that someone super liked me. Let's say his name is Hakim* and from his pictures, he was precisely the type of guy physically I'm usually attracted to. He was six feet, and two inches tall, has a cute baby face, and thick. Not only was he physically attractive to the eye, but he had a lot going on for himself. He had just graduated from the same school as I'm currently attending, an activist, Politician, and also enjoyed going out and having a good time according to his profile. The first conversation we had with one another was our love of horror movies and how we could go out to the movies together in the future. A possible date was planned that night.
By July 3rd, I had gone on my first date with Hakim*. And let me tell you that he was very attractive in person like I imagined after looking at his pictures on his bio. Okay, no he was fucking fine with a capital F, and he caught me staring. When I got in his car, we didn't have any real plans, so we decided to go out to eat near a local restaurant near the school. I was taking a risk just hopping in a car of a stranger, but I had a good feeling about him through text. As we talked and ate dinner, I learned that he was really good at reading body expression and every move I made, he could read it perfectly. That was fucking nerve recking. We also were talking about 4th of July plans and how I would like to see my family on that day. All of a sudden, he mentioned that he had family in that area as well and didn't see a problem dropping me off to see mines while he saw his and would take me back home afterward. The only exchange I had to do was to organize his stuff in his room.
I ended up spending the night at his house. If someone would have told me that was going to happen, I wouldn't have believed them. We didn't end up having sex that night, but we did in fact cuddled and made out. The next day after spending time with our families and heading back to Baltimore, we decided that I should spend the night at his house again. And that's when the deed took place, and there were no regrets.
Within the first week of using tinder, I had gone on one date and two other dates planned. On July 6, I ended up meeting a guy named Destin* who told me the first day we chatted on Tinder that he could "fuck the shit out of me." The day of our plan to meet, it was raining hard, and I had hoped that he would have wanted to cancel the meeting. I didn't even want to meet him in the first place after I received that message from him on Tinder, but because the kind person I was at the moment, I had agreed to meet. We agreed to meet at the UMBC Library because I felt as though, if anything had happened or if he would have tried anything with me, at least there would have been witnesses.
As it was raining hard and I haven't heard from
Destin* all day, I just figured that the meeting was canceled, but when I woke up from a nap, I received a message from him asking where was I and that he was at the library. When I finally got to the library, I almost didn't even recognize him because he had more facial hair in person than in any of his pictures I saw on Tinder. We sat at a couple of computers and the whole time we were talking; I felt like he was looking at me like a piece of steak. Can you say, "Awkward"? My intuition was right about that guy, and I was so glad that I chose the library to meet. After about an hour or so, he had to return his rental car and had to leave. I was pleased about that because he wasn't my type and this meeting wasn't going to lead to anything. I had also hoped that he thought this meeting was a failure and would stop contacting me. But it didn't, he kept trying to link up, and I ended up blocking him.
Within the same week, I asked Hakim* if he ever went to a Sip & Paint place before. He said no he hasn't, but he would be interested in going to one. After I paid for our tickets, I made sure I sent him a daily reminder about the event because last time we tried to set a date for the Sip & Paint event, he suddenly became booked because he forgot about our date plans. Once it becomes July 21st, one day before the event and I find out that he's in the hospital because he fucked up his right shoulder while playing basketball with his boss and co-workers. After stating to him that the tickets were non-refundable after 24 hours, he said that he would still try to take us to the event but his painting would be trash (his words). I had little hope that it would be possible after learning that he had to drive himself home with his knees on the steering wheel.
The next day I put on my nice and bright fitted dress that shows a lot of my back that my grandmother had just fixed for me. I was feeling cute and my lips popping and when I text Hakim* so I could find out what time he should be at my place to pick me up, I find out that we couldn't go because he was in a lot of pain and the medicine was making him sleep all day. At this point, I am very bummed and pissed because I got dressed for nothing and there was a small chance of me being able to get my money back. This wouldn't be the first date he had to cancel because of other reasons.
On July 30th, I decided to meet up with another guy that I met on Tinder named Calvin* who was also another match that super liked me on the app. We were texting back and forth on the app for about a week before our first meeting. From his pictures, I thought he was cute, and he looked very down to earth. He also has a baby face. I have a thing with baby faces. Also on his profile, he mentioned his passion for music and that he was a mechanic. We met at the campus library, just like I did Destin*. I kinda realized how risky I was when I was with Hekim* so I decided to be more careful for now on. We walked around the campus from the library to the apartments where I stay. He mentioned how he was at Howard college for Engineering and was looking for a four-year school to transfer to in the future.
Eventually, we chilled in the living room of my apartment until it starts getting late. I was trying to call it a night and waited for him to walk towards the door, but instead, he walks to my room getting ready to hop into my bed. I'm like, that's definitely won't be happening tonight so he can stand and watch me put my nightgown on and jump in my bed by myself if he wants to. I did offer to let him sleep on the couch if he wanted too, but no, he wanted to be in my bed.
While waiting for him to get the message, I put on my nightgown without exposing myself. Once he realized that he wasn't going to be able to sleep in my bed, he got the message and left, but he asked to be invited to taco night that I previously mentioned to him earlier.
The very next day, I was messaging another guy named Darkeem*, another guy from Tinder and we eventually agreed to meet up in person. He was sooo cuteee! By the time he came over, I'm making the taco meat to complete my taco salad. As we were talking and getting to know each other, there were several awkward dry spots, but I didn't think it was that bad.
I learned that Darkeem* makes Dancehall pop music which he's very good at when he played a couple of videos for me, he is Nigerian, twenty-five years old, has his Masters, is a Scorpio, has an Engineering career, and he graduated from UMBC. As I'm learning this information, I feel as though I'm really out of his league. This would never work, but he's cute, and I would like to find some connection between us. I even asked him, "What is your type"? He replied, "I really don't have a type. As long as people are always pushing themselves to be more than what they are." That came to me as a red flag especially with his tone of voice he used.
Once I finished cooking, he was like red wine would taste good with the taco salad. We went to the liquor store, and he brought a couple of bottles of wine. Once back in my apartment, I'm sipping my glass while he's drinking from his fast. He then has the audacity to tell me that I'm drinking too slow and should be drinking more. By the end of the night, I said to him that I was going to call it a night. He thought he was going to sleep in my bed. I was like Nah, but you can sleep on the couch! That was the same thing I told Calvin*. Eventually, he got the message and left. I really think he was trying to get me drunk so we could have hooked up.
After spending some time on Tinder and meeting new guys, I can see the possible hook upside of Tinder. When I first decided to be active on the app, I was doing it just for fun and some small hopes that I could possible meet a good match for myself. If you liked this article about me multi-dating experience on Tinder, just wait until I release my December article, where I tell you all how I made a final decision among one of the guys I met.
*These are not the real names of the people mentioned, in order to protect their privacy
