Starting the New Year's Resolutions a Month Early

Walking into 2020 with determination

          We all know when December hits, we start hearing people speak on all the accomplishments, failures, and incomplete goals they had for themselves or had took place in their lives within the year; while at the same time they be saying that next year will be bigger and better than last year without any really concrete plans taking place before the year starts. In this article, I am going to explain why it's best to start creating hard concrete plans for 2020 before 2019 ends through my own experience that took place not too long ago.

          During this time of the year, a lot of people have it in their minds that when the ball drops (a reference to the New York City New Year's tradition) and January 1st appears that a new energy emerges within them that tells them to become a better person that they were last year and focus on creating the lifestyle they want, but it don't exactly works that way. Usually once January 1st appears, a lot of people try to put all their energy into accomplishing their yearly goals during the first few months then everything starts falling down hill because they start feeling burned out. These individuals usually go back to their old ways they were doing the pervious year(s) and don't make any real impact in the new year. With these repeated yearly patterns, it's about time we make some changes on our strategies to accomplish our yearly goals advocate in preparing for the new year goals at least one month in advance.

          Two years ago, I decided to plan my yearly goals months because I wanted to make sure I made no mistakes with my degree choices while I still had time to make some changes to my career path. During that time, I was not sure whether or not I should make both English and Psychology my majors instead of making one a minor. I thought the required level of math needed to graduate would help me decide. Well it didn't help because both degrees required me to take another math course. After a week of this realization, I looked at all the classes I've taken so far while at UMBC and realized that I've been taking so many classes for both subjects that it just made sense to major in both. Within that time I also decided to add a concentration to my studies because when I was looking at all the programs UMBC had to offer, I thought Developmental Psychology program was a major; but it wasn't. It was a concentration certificate program. One of the psychology advisors told me that the only way I could graduate with the concentration was by majoring in a psychology degree as well.

          By the start of my third year, I finalized my degree choices and it was time for me to focus on what I wanted to take place in my life as a post Undergraduate. All I knew was that I didn't want to go back to school for a Masters degree and end up in debt or waste more time in my youth staying up late studying, completing assignments, and continuing my unhealthy diet. I wanted to start living my dream life before I turned thirty and if I did decide to go back to school, it will be my personal choice and would not be an requirement for a specific career or job. That's when I started looking on job search engines such as, Indeed.com and my college career center's website to look at possible jobs that fit my degrees and sparked my interests. That's when I gained an invitation to apply online as an online English teacher and I learned that this could possibly be the perfect job for me. The reason why I felt as though this could be a possible dream job for me is because the work hours were very early in the morning and I would be finished for the day by 2:00pm or earlier. With these hours I could focus on my writing and getting everything ready for my book release, flexibility to travel within the U.S.A, and down the road it would be reasonable hours to work and raise children. At the end, I did not end up getting the job because of complications I was having with my interview.

          While I didn't get that job, I started getting more invitations to apply to similar jobs. I even started seeing international teaching jobs where I could teach English as a second language in different countries. When I started seeing all the possible teaching jobs I could be a part of, it really excited me because I have always had goals to be able to not only travel to all 50 states in the United States, but also to travel around the world while having the ability to write and motivate others at the same time. Ever since the beginning of my junior year in August 2017, this has been a goal of mines as a career.

          In November of 2018, I started preparing for the new year by looking at jobs and internships on the career center website that related to my career interests. That is when I learned about the Spain internship that I mentioned in my last article. The internship position was for October 2019 until June 2020. I immediately applied within that week and got scheduled a Skype interview within a week. During the interview, it started off rocky because I couldn't find any good internet connection at the job I was working at during that time until the interviewer suggested that we use Facebook Messenger instead. Through using Facebook Messenger, I had just enough bars to stay online long enough to do the interview, but I had to hold my phone in an awkward position the whole time or I would have lost the connection. Once the interview was over, I thought that my spot for the internship was a given and I would hear back from them in June to learn whether or not I was one often people to be selected.

          In June of this year, I learned that all the spots were taken but the interviewer loved my passion and interest of being a part of the internship. Since the interviewer thought I would be a great fit for the program, she told me that I should add my application to the next selection of possible interns that would be selected in October for the six-month internship. I was very much blown that I wasn't select for the 10-month program, but I dropped my pride low enough to add my name to the six-month program.

          For months, I would constantly email the company to see if they started selecting people for the internship. I would always get a response from them stating that they would let me know when they receive more information in October. I waited and waited until it became mid-October and a voice in my head told me to email the company to see if they had any available spots. It was a very good thing I emailed them when I did because I received the email I've been hoping for since June. I was told that they had a spot for me and this wouldn't have been a reality for me if I didn't start planning for the year 2019 in the late months of 2018.

         From this article, you learned multiple reasons why you should start your new year's goals during the months of the year before. The first reason is the fact that when you wait until the first of the year to do anything towards your goals, you either lose all the ambitious energy you once had for that goal once January 1st appears or you burn the energy out during the first few months and go back to your old routines. The second reason is because you have now realized the many steps it takes to complete certain goals; which can take more than twelve months to get from the starting point to the wanted result point. This is especially true when you want to see that goal accomplished in a certain time period. This advice goes for any type of goal you have in mind. And the last reason why you should start your New Year's goals at least a month in advance is because you never know what opportunities will be passing you by if you just wait for them to appear. As I mentioned about my search for my dream career in 2017, I wouldn't have known about the possibility of being an online English teacher for another country. Without learning about this career field, I wouldn't have known about the Spain internship or the other job openings looking for people to travel around the world to teach English. Now that you have finished reading this article, you will now plan next year's goals accordingly.



I want to give out a big shout out to you, the #AphroKingdom, for supporting me thus far and I hope to see you in the new year as I spread more advice, encouragement, and reveal new possibilities.

Connecting the Ancestral Map this Thanksgiving

My Ancestral Map

          As we are inching closer and closer to the holiday season and one day before Thanksgiving, we are physically and mentally preparing ourselves to spend time with our close friends and family, trying to reconnect with people we don't get to see on the regular basis, and participating in as many events as we can before the year end; but this year I want to do something different. I want to spend this time learning more about my ancestral background especially when around this time we see Ancestry.com and 23andme.com giving Black Friday discounts for the DNA kits and other ancestry search items. I purchased a DNA kit from Ancestry.com around this time last year and gained my first DNA results earlier this year. In this article, I will be discussing my journey to my new DNA discoveries and why I encourage others to find out more about theirs through sites like Ancestry or through family members this holiday season.

         Before I purchased my DNA kit, I had known and heard of a few friends and family members who had purchased one from one of the sites I mentioned previously. From their discoveries, they were surprised with the information they found. Many had assumed they were a part of a certain race such as Native American or Asian. Only 1% received the confirmation that their biological history included those ethnical backgrounds. Others used the sites to find possible family members and learn about their family history. Once I learned about their discoveries, it interested me to learn more about my history and ethnical backgrounds. Once I saw the Black Friday sales for DNA kits, I did my personal research to find out which company was the right choice for me. As you read the first paragraph, I went with Ancestry. I chose Ancestry over 23andme because it's today's most popular choice so I would be able to find a lot of possible family members. My other reason for choosing Ancestry was because the company continuously does their research in finding more DNA samples in more countries than what 23andme seemed to be offering at the time of my decision. When Ancestry finds out that their new samples is connected to the completed DNA kit you mailed to them, they update your ethnical background chart with the new information. As of this month, November 2019, my ethnical background has been updated three times. The last update was on November 18, 2019.

          On the Ancestry website, you have the option to fill out a family tree. When you fill out information about your family that you know about, the company will connect other account members who included similar or the same family members as you and ask if there is a connection. If you say yes, they will help fill out the information on your family tree. When I placed my mother's father's father's information on the site, it lead me all the way to Europe. The person could have possibly been one of our ancestors first slave masters when they moved to the United States. I'm still receiving more possible family members to add to my family tree. I plan to confirm the information from my relatives before I add the members to the family tree. The only disappointment I received from the family tree is the fact that you can't add half related siblings. I figure that the site will fix itself when both siblings include the same parent as me. At the moment, I have one sibling interested in sending in a DNA kit, but I have yet to convince the other. Both of my sisters have a different parent from me and are completely unrelated to one another without me being the other piece that connects them.

          When I gave my DNA sample to Ancestry by mail, I kept an open mind. I didn't make any real ethnical assumptions, but I thought it would be interesting to find some part of Asia on my profile since a lot of people always compliment my almond shaped eyes and say that they look Asian. I received my first DNA results on January 13, 2019. My DNA results were: Cameroon, Congo & Southern Bantu peoples; Benin & Togo; Mali; England, Wales & Northwestern Europe; Ireland & Scotland; Indigenous Americas- (North, Central, South); Ivory Coast/ Ghana; Germanic Europe; Norway; and Eastern Africa. When I finally saw my results, I was amazed to know more about my ethnical background because growing up, all I was told was that I was Black and African American. I was supposed to just accept the title without the thought to ask further questions. No one in my immediate family were interested in knowing more about our history. Since having these results, I can now confirm that I have no drop of Asian in me when people think saying I have Asian shaped eyes is a compliment. It was interesting to see that I was West and East African and that there were no sign of South African or Nigerian. With all the Nigerians I have met in the DMV (Washington, D.C; Maryland; Virginia) I figured someone within my ancestry came across a love connection with someone of that background.

The First DNA Results

The First DNA Results

          Ever since I left Capitol Heights, Maryland and started being around people of color who knew something about their ethnical background, I became more concerned about knowing nothing about mines. I thought that if I took the first step into learning about my family's ethnical background that they would be interesting in exploring more about it. Somewhat they became a little more open about learning something about our history. They may have not been open to completing a DNA kit, but they have helped me create confirmations when filling out information for the family tree. Within exploring more about my new discoveries, I received more ethnical background updates on February 19th and November 18th of this year. By the third update, it now charts Nigeria; Cameroon, Congo & Southern Bantu Peoples; Benin & Togo; Mali; England, Wales & Northwestern Europe; Senegal; Ghana; Norway; Sweden; Indigenous Americas- North; and Spain as my ethnical background.

          From this recent update it confirmed that it was in fact true that someone in my close ancestral history was Nigerian and it's the highest percentage of all the other regions charted. The only country I found surprising to see on my chart was Spain. Out of all the countries that I could have possibly been linked too, Spanish decent was crossed out a long time ago when I was in middle school. Around this time, a lot of people of African decent were always trying to claim that they either had Native American or Spanish decent in their ethnical background, but didn't have any real hard proof to confirm those beliefs. I didn't want to be apart of that stereotype so I crossed those possibilities out until I gained further proof; which I now have that says I have both ethnicities charted.

The Third DNA Results

The Third DNA Results

        Ever since I've gained the results from my ethnical background, I feel more connected with my ancestral history and more than ever eager to learn more about each country my ancestors walked and traveled. Now that I have this information, I can now tell people and my future children that I am West African (Nigeria; Benin & Togo; Senegal; Mali; Ghana); Central African (Cameroon; Congo); European/ British (England; Wales & Northwestern Europe; Norway); Irish (Ireland); Scottish (Scotland); Swedish (Sweden); Native American (Indigenous Americas- North); and Spanish (Spain). I will soon have the ability to visit the countries my ancestors lived and traveled while learning about their history. I will start this journey in January of next year where I will be living in Spain for six months for an internship as an English teacher assistant.

        I know some of you are probably looking at the images of my ethnical background and thinking that the countries that have under 5% does not really count as part of my true ancestry, but in fact they still do count and you're not the only ones who feel this way. My immediate family would say the same thing to me when they saw the chart and I would reply with the following statements,  "When Slavery and Segregation took place, it only took one drop of blood to be considered Black so the same goes with the other ethnicities" and "My 1% still counts because one of my parents have at least 5% and within my set of grandparents, they have close to 10% if not more." So, if you have taken or plan to take a DNA test and see any ancestries that are less than 5% you should still count them because they still give you information on your ancestors' journey and how far they traveled to get you here at this very moment in life.

          From my experience turning in a completed DNA kit with Ancestry.com and receiving my results, I hope I have convinced you to take the time to learn more about your ancestral background through talking to family members while enjoying each others company at the dinner table during this Thanksgiving break or through purchasing a DNA kit with companies such as, Ancestry and 23andme while they are giving out Black Friday deals.

          Have a happy Thanksgiving if you're somewhere in the United States and I'll see you next month as we wrap up the year with my last article for 2019 .

The Work Place from Hell: How Toxic Work Environments Affects Mental and Physical Issues

Picture Found on Google

          Have you ever worked for a company that drained you mentally to the point where you start receiving physical health issues because of the work environment?

          In this article, I will be focusing on toxic work environments and how it causes mental and physical health issues through telling my own experience. Through this article, my goal is to inform you the many signs of a toxic work environment and why it's important to remove yourself from such of an environment as soon as possible.

         If you've been staying up to date with my articles and social media posts then you know I just graduated from the University of Maryland, Baltimore County with Bachelor degrees in English and Psychology with a concentration in Developmental Psychology. The day before my graduation day, I left the preschool center I've been working at for the pass three years because I was moving back home after the graduation. The very next day, I was on indeed.com and on my former University career center website applying for jobs. I applied for both international jobs and local jobs within the United States. I spent the whole next week going on in person and online interviews. I ended up chosen a preschool center located in Washington, District of Columbia (D.C) because I was offered the hourly pay I requested for, it was walking distance from the metro station, and all the other preschool jobs in Maryland was offering an hourly pay of less than $12 even with my educational background.

          I started the job located in D.C on the first week of July as a lead teacher. The first couple of weeks on the job was great. The co-teacher was supportive and helpful, the assistant director helped guide me the best way she knew how when the co-teacher ended up sick for a week, I was congratulated for my quick thinking when it came to the Mother's Day performance while my co-teacher was still sick, and I met a new friend who I still talk to til this day. By the next month, the director moved me to another classroom as the classroom's lead teacher because she made the former teacher a floater. I thought the move was temporary, but this location would become my permanent classroom. After a week, the job started becoming stressful.

        The atmosphere where my new classroom was located at was completely different from the atmosphere I received at the first location. Staff members kept calling out or coming to work late at least once or more a week during the summer. This caused the staff who did show up to work to become understaffed all the time. There were very less supportive and helpful co-workers. Many of these co-workers would snitch on one another to the director about the most pettiest things or lie when they thought they were going to get in trouble. One time, the director moved a couple of my students to the classroom next to mine. When the students returned, one of the students had a red mark on his face. When my co-teacher asked them what happened, they replied back "it's not my concern." The director personally spoke with the co-worker who made the statement then she asked me and two other co-workers to confirm. The director ended up taking the co-worker's side and then told me and the other co-workers that using the words we said she spoke to us was not in her vocabulary. With three teachers telling the director the same thing, you would think the director would have been on our side, but instead was on hers.

        The children would be moved to new classrooms too fast without acknowledging the parents first about the changes. The director would always go back and forth on how she wanted the lesson plans to be constructed every month even when she told the staff a different way to construct the lesson plans the month before. When it came to the supplies needed in order to teach the lessons we had written for the lesson plans, it was either hidden within the buildings or the director expected us to go out our way to get the items ourselves and if the items were reasonably priced, she would reimburse us. In my last job, the school had a school budget that they would use to purchase items we needed for our lesson plans and would personally get the items for us per each week. When we didn't have the items; which was very rare, we didn't do that particular activity that day and the teachers wouldn't get punished for it. At this current job, it is a different story.

         There has been a numerous of times where the director has had me in the office to discuss my lesson plans that she previously approved. Each time in her office, she would ask me why I wasn't doing a particular activity with the kids I had put on my lessons, I would tell her the reason was because she never gave me the items I needed that I asked for weeks in advance, she would never accept that answer. Instead she would tell me that I could have used a different item that were hidden in the buildings that she never told me about until that very moment while sitting in her office to compromise not having the original items needed for the planned activity.

        When I first had to sit in her office, I believed she was just giving me constructive criticism. By the second time, I felt as though her advice and criticism were only negative and destructive. At the last couple of meetings she had me sitting in her office, she degraded my Psychology degree. I felt belittled and as though she would fire me any moment once she had enough staff members with a Bachelor degrees relating to children and teaching. I then realized why so many people would walk off the job after having a meeting with her.  I can go on and on about the many ways the place was toxic, but I think you get my point. The preschool center was unorganized and the director was all over the place.

       With all of this taking place, I started to get stressed out at the very thought of having to return to the job the very next day and once the weekend was over. My patience started to become very short when it came to many of my co-workers and the director's nonsense. I would just walk away whenever I felt like cursing them out. I felt a level of depression of staying at the job for the paychecks. I even hurt my hand and almost my legs from breaking up a fight with a couple of my students and grabbing items I needed for an activity before the director saw me. And another time, my nose started bleeding out of nowhere while watching the kids play outside. Many of the staff tried to start a rumor that I was doing something with my nose to cause it to bleed; which was never the case. The one friend I made at the job was the only one to clear my name from that rumor and call an ambulance for me.

       I wasn't enjoying the position I was in anymore, but I wasn't the only one who felt that way. Many of the current and past co-workers felt similar to me and is the reason why they either quit or are applying to other jobs.

        While I've heard of people working in toxic work environments, this was my very first time experiencing it for myself and I hope it will be my last. I once used to tell people in this situation to "thug it out" and wait until you get hired at another job before quitting because bills and ways of living still needs to be maintained. Now, my advice to them is find a way to get out of that place as soon as possible because your health always comes first before a job. I don't wish anyone to be placed in this situation at all. The craziest part about working at this preschool is the fact that the company doesn't offer any benefits like medical insurance, but the atmosphere caused a lot of health problems among staff members. Two weeks ago, I placed my two weeks in. Today, Monday, October 28, 2019; I will be working at the center as my last week.

         During my experience working at this preschool center, these are the signs I picked up on when I realized I've been working at a toxic work environment:

1. Disorganization within the business

2. Unsupportive nor helpful directors and co-workers

3. A lot of gossip and rumors going around among staff members and clients

4. Poor communication skills among staff members

5. Discrimination among treatments between certain staff members and the boss

6. Always depress and feeling signs of anxiety at the though of having to be at work

7. Unfollowed policies and procedures

8. Always understaffed

9. A high turnover rate

10. Always worried about being fired

11. A lot of destructive and negative criticism taking place and little to none positive criticism

Dear Black Girl, You Don't Always Have to be The Strong One

                                                               Image found on Google


          Does it seem as though, we as women and girls have to be the strong one in and out of the Black Community when it comes to protecting members within the community, gaining the respect we deserve at the work place, breaking glass ceilings, and being recognized for more than our physical features?

          When it comes to the Black Community, throughout history, women and girls within the community  had no choice but to stay strong when their ancestors were forced in the life of becoming an American slave. Within both the Black Community and White society, the "strong Black woman" stereotype has caused and still causes a lot of challenges among women and girls of color in the United States. If you feel this is true then this article is for you. In this article, I will be exploring these ideas and how we can remove this unneeded weight off our shoulders.

          During the time of the Slave Trade that took place in the United States, the Europeans had already had their own standards of feminine beauty and acceptable feminine characteristics. Black women during that time did not fit those standards at all. Black women weren't even viewed as humans  in the European eyes. They were reduced to only property, physical features, and the many types of labors they could perform for the Europeans. In Jordan-Zachery's text, "Shadow Bodies," she elaborates on the Europeans' views and their intentions for the Black woman' body. She states that the "Europeans' scripted Black women's bodies as different, highly sexual, and the "other" (Jordan-Zachery, 30). The slave masters and other Europeans viewed Black women's bodies as "ugly, exotic, different, sexualized, deviant, and dangerous" (Jordan- Zachery, 33). Black women of that time would also be known for their many physical features, for example; their lips, nose, and their butts. These features and titles will later become the well-known scripts people in both the White and Black communities will later use to describe and associate with the Black woman.

          With these stereotypes surrounding Black women and girls for centuries, we as Black women and girls of color have to remind White society, members in our own community, and even ourselves that we are more than our physical features. Our features should be embraced, appreciated, celebrated, and seen beyond sexualization. Women and girls of color who recognized their worth can become so passionate about getting others to recognize the complete beauty of the Black Women and girls that outsiders see them as being "too strong." Well we are not being "too strong," we are just continuing a stand our ancestors started and what the White society once said was "ugly," "unhuman," "ghetto," and "non-feminine," among women and girls of color but is now considered modern beauty among White women. We are just reclaiming what has already been ours and will always be.

          In schools and in work places, we have to create and maintain this so called "strong Black woman" stereotype image. There has been so many cases where Black women and girls were judged by our choices in appearance especially when it comes to the choice to wear our natural hair out in public, the thought of believing that we, Black people are "lazy;" which is another European created stereotype, and the false belief that we were not smart enough to become known for anything more than for the use of  our bodies and the sexual things we could do with it to please men. With these believed stereotypes, we have to work harder than both our White and gender counterparts in order to be recognizable in the work place and in school settings as people of great value. These stereotypes also makes it harder for women of color to break the "glass ceilings" when they are trying to move up the ladder of their careers especially when they don't know nor seen anybody that looked like them succeed in the lifestyle and career of their dreams.

         Since the introduction of television programing, social media, and other informational sources, people has been able to receive a lot  of knowledgeable information that they wouldn't have otherwise been able to gain in the past especially once it enters mainstream media. But while having this new technology is a great source to have, Black women have had to push harder to overshadow negative images of Black women with positive and different ideals of what it means to grow up in America as a woman of color. This has been an important goal among members of the Black Community because they understand the large impact "racial representation" have on outsiders of that race and is responsible for the many created and believed stereotypes placed on people of color. Racquel J. Gates, the author of "Double Negative," speaks on this topic in her novel. She states:

"While on the surface, such declarations lay claim to the need for social change and the power of media to achieve it, these types of statements are based on several problematic assumptions. These include the notion that media representations have a direct and straight forward impact on people's ideologies, that media images matter more than histories of institutional oppression, and that audience always interpret images in predictable and knowable ways. These suppositions are rarely questioned in the public sphere, but, instead, are taken at face value as objective truth" (Gates, 12).

          When women and girls of color see representations of people that look similar to them and living their dream lifestyles, attending colleges and majoring in various studies, breaking glass ceilings within one's careers, and participating in activities that are not normally see among women and girls of color; it inspires and motivates them to try new things after knowing that Black women and girls are participating in activities and living lifestyles that they never knew they could be apart of or live until they seen and met people who has. This is why I'm passionate in telling my stories to others and motivating Black women and girls to become the best versions of themselves. I  want them to also know that their past does not define them and that they should always follow their passions in life because their passions will take them to a lot of places and will also create many opportunities for them while they inspire others around them too.

          From Gates statement, she understands how easy for a representation shown on mainstream media can turn into what people's expectations is for any group of people especially when it comes to our group of people. Not only does these representations become other people' expectations, members from the group being represented will start to believe that they must participate in those expectations and make the stereotypes their own ideologies. Gates even mentions how inferential children are more likely to believe anything they see online and on television especially when it comes to race, gender, and sexuality (Gates, 21). It is important for people especially young children to see different types of representations within other communities of people and most importantly their own.

          Representative imagery are shown to the public through many forms of media such as; photography, art, the internet, social media, television shows, movies, books, etc. In the beginning of the movie and television industries, people of color wasn't allowed to be seen on a stage, but the Europeans would make their own interpretations of the life of Africans and African Americans through black facing white actors. When producers started allowing people of color onto the screens and on stage, it was only Black men allowed to participate. These men also had to blackface themselves in order to hit mainstream media attention. The interpretations performed by both Europeans and African American men as blackface actors only kept the tradition of showcasing negative images of the Black Community through the art of comedy, melodrama, and reality television programing (Gates, 30).

          When Black women were allowed to be seen on screens and on stage, they would experience discrimination in the roles selected for them to play. This discrimination would only create many assumptions of the life of a Black woman and how a Black woman or girl should be treated by the shade of her skin complexion (Gates, 112). Many of the first movies that allowed women of color to participate in and were usually based on the Slavery and Segregation time periods. They would play characters of house slaves or slaves that remained outside the masters' home completing tasks. These women also had to portray women who were always manipulated by others but would continue to help them. These actors also had to play very strong-minded women who couldn't show any vulnerability. These interpretations only supported the "strong Black woman" stereotype as well.

          While representations play a huge part on how us, Black women and girls see ourselves and motivates us to becoming different versions of a Black woman; negative imagery and stereotypes that the Black community adapted and accepted also plays a role as well. Let's start with the images of Black women portrayed in the video, "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," by Three 6 Mafia. In the video, the rappers showed women of color as being promiscuous and as prostitutes. This imagery dates back to the Slavery days when European scientists and Physicians believed that women of color were highly sexual, exotic, and had ape-like sexuality (Atwater, 13). With Three 6 Mafia and other Black entertainers that promote this type of imagery about Black women are no better than the Europeans during the time of Slavery. People in the Black community, particularly the males within the community should be very protective and careful of the images they release about Black women and girls in mainstream media because whatever comes out from the Black Community about its members easily gets taken as face value and seen as fact among people outside the community. This also fits with the way Black women on reality shows are seen getting mistreated by their Black male counterparts. You would think Black men would stand up for us Black women more than what the majority of them are currently doing to make sure members of the White society don't believe the many stereotypes made about Black women that are either not true or only relates to a small population of us; especially when the Black woman has always tried and has protected and defend the men in their lives.

          At the end of the day, viewers of these shows can come to believe that all Black men and boys are players while Black women and girls are seen as always being naïve. This makes it very easy for outsiders of the Black Community to believe that Black people cannot develop healthy romantic relationships and we always find ourselves in failed relationships. Because of these stereotypes and the negative imagery that supports them, there has been an ongoing movement of Black women demanding respect from both rap artists, the entertainment industry, and Black men in general, which society considers "sassiness" that has been included to the "strong Black woman" stereotype. One of those campaigns were, "Bury the Ratchet Campaign," it was founded by Michaela Angela Davis in hopes to end the number of problematic stereotypes found on reality television shows featuring women of color. It's important for both Black men and women to demand to society and members in the Black Community themselves, should get the respect and recognition we deserve.

           In Jordan- Zachery's work, she mentions how the Europeans has always seen women of color as people who were  "nonhuman" and "the other gender" to state that we were objects who displayed non-feminine characteristics, and were only for the benefits to others since the time of Baartman (Jordan- Zachery, 41-42). This just caused women of color to be stereotyped as the "strong Black woman." According to the Europeans, to be considered a "real woman," one must be "soft," "delicate," and "weak." This is when Black woman became known for their outspokenness that ended up being called "sass" to the White Community and eventually became another adopted script the Black Community adopted and adapted too.

          In the text, "Black women writing Autibiography: A Tradition Within a Tradition," the author Joanne Braxton gives her readers a background history on where the term "sass" originated from. Braxton states that the term "sass" was a survivalist speech act that was utilized by Black women during and after slavery (Everett, 55-56). She also mentions how the slave women would use their
"sass" by stating that for slave women, it was their way of expressing verbal warfare and as a defensive verbal posturing as tools of liberation.

          In today's time, women of color are still using their "sassy" language in the United States, their goals are reflective while uplifting the Black Community just as it was used among Black women during the Slavery and Segregation time periods. While many women of color and some Black men have been active on the fight to spread different ideals of Black women to add to the main stereotypes; a lot of  women who has remained in popular media have had to continuously play the role of the "strong Black woman" in order to gain and keep the respect from both the White society and the Black Community. The "strong Black woman" stereotype ideal has been seen and expected from Black women during the years of Slavery through Segregation that now the Black Community expects it as acceptable and necessary quality Black women should have in order to be respected within the community.

          During the time of Slavery and segregation, the reason why Black women have been expected to remain the "strong Black women" for the Black Community is because in the Black church, it was needed in order to deal with "the nation's problems" (Carey, 86-87). The Black women were seen as the  "backbone" of the church so many felt as though they didn't have a choice but to remain strong at all times even outside the church. But, when Black women and girls show the other members within the community their vulnerability, they are rejected from being the community's voice and "backbone" (Jordan- Zachery, 128). While members of the Black community view Black women as the "back-bone" for the community, the rest of society portrayed Black women as "matriarchal and castrating and too strong to succumb to depression" (Jordan-Zachery, 131).

          While being a "strong Black woman" may seem like a positive imagery to have for women and girls of color; carrying that title all the time is tiring and messes with one's health. For example, when it comes to the medical field, they use the "strong Black woman" stereotype in order for them to determine and reject women of color the proper treatment when they mention to their physicians that they are ill. So when and how are we, as Black women and girls, going to be able to take off our battle suits and remove the "strong Black woman" stereotype from remaining a required personality we must have in order to gain respect and recognition from both the Black Community and White society? Iyanla Vanzant believes that its possible for Black women and girls to do so.

          Vanzant is all familiar with this topic and skilled in helping women of color to overcome difficult life situations and overcoming the belief of  always having to be a strong Black woman. Carey quotes Vanzant's statements on how Black women will be able to complete their journey towards wellness. Vanzant says, "we must teach ourselves to crave out time and space for self-exploration to begin the healing process because their power source is inside of them." "We must teach ourselves the things we need to know that we have never been taught, and we need to remember those things we have forgotten"... "We need to redefine and describe our experiences, practices, and beliefs in the context of the experiences and traditions of our ancestors..." and "expand our traditional African concepts, ideologies, and understandings to make them conductive to the constructs and realities of our modern day psyches" (Carey, 55-56). Through Vanzant's statements, she encourages women of color to explore life in ways to help create your own ideals and meaning of what it means to live in the body of a woman or girl of color. She also mentions how we are the only ones to be able to tell our stories and concerns. This has been my overall goal when it came to writing my memoir. I hope to show a new ideal of a confident Black women who don't always have to be the "strong Black woman" in every situation and inspire others even men and boys on how to become the best versions of themselves.

          As the Black Community, we as members, should be able to uplift and support one another especially when there are a lot of negative stereotypes and created ideals going against us. According to Atwater, the only way for us to become stronger as a community we must strengthen and rebuild our male/ female relations and families on the underlying understanding of mutual respect, equality, reciprocity and shared responsibility in love, life, and the struggle to end the evil and injustice events that surrounds us as a community (Atwater, 139-40). It is important for us as a community to come together and uplift each other because of the simple fact that Black youth looks up to the older members within the community for guidance and support. When young girls of color see certain images, they will easily be influenced to imitate such acts; if they are not given the proper education and not exposed to different ideals of representations of a Black woman, they will develop low self-esteem and believe that they must always act a certain way in order to be recognized and respected as a Black woman (Atwater, 140).

So Dear Black girl or woman,

You don't always have to be the strong one and I'm going to show and tell you why. Let's conversate and watch as you grow to become your own ideal of a confident Black woman.

Sincerely,

The Modern Aphrodite

Bibliography 

• Atwater, Deborah F. African American Womens Rhetoric: the Search for Dignity, Personhood, and Honor. Lexington Books, 2010. 

Carey, Tamika L. Rhetorical Healing: The Reeducation of Contemporary Black Womanhood. State UNIV OF NEW YORK PR, 2017.  

• Everett, Anna. Digital Diaspora: a Race for Cyberspace. SUNY Press, 2009.  
• Gates, Racquel J. Double Negative: the Black Image and Popular Culture. Duke University Press, 2018.  
• Jordan-Zachery, Julia Sheron. Shadow Bodies: Black Women, Ideology, Representation, and Politics. Rutgers University Press, 2017. 

Mental Health in the Black Community

          As I was strolling on Facebook earlier last month, I came across an article that I started seeing being shared among my Facebook friends. When I first glanced at the article when it was first shared, I thought it was an interesting topic and something I would check out later. I never got to reading the article almost towards the end of the month of July. 

         Within the month progressing, the article continued to be shared and people I personally knew where commenting how they could relate to the things that were mentioned in the article. This article is titled, "15 Habits of People with Concealed Depression," and it became one of the reasons I wanted to focus on this topic for this article. 

         If you've read any of my earlier work, then you know that I have experienced some form of depression in my life, but I was able to get the right resources in order for me to heal mentally and go back to being my true self. 

         My interest in this topic grew more when I was watching an episode of "Grown-ish." The episode was focusing on mental health problems that takes place within the Black Community. After watching this episode, reading the comments posted under the article on Facebook, and recently had my two-year relationship end because of this matter; I was left with the question, "Are we (the African American Community) doing enough to recognize the signs of depression and anxiety that takes place among members of our own community? And are we actively doing enough to support and give them the needed help they need and deserve in order for them to heal from their traumas?

         In this article, I'll showcase a conversation I had with a group of male friends from the Black Community who has expressed to me previously before writing this article about the things they had to face while living with depression and anxiety. I chose to focus on males from the Black Community because I feel as though this group of people receive the least amount of support when it comes to their mental health versus when it comes to the amount of support females from the Black Community receives who has also experienced similar traumas. I also learned that last month was "Minority Mental Health Awareness Month.

          My goal for this article is to give this group of people a chance to express what we can do to improve mental health awareness in the Black Community, a chance to speak their truths, and how mental health breaks up many types of relationships among family, friends, and love interests.

1. When did you first realize you was experiencing depression and anxiety?

Sean: When I left home for Lincoln University at the age of 19. I wasn't sure about the symptoms back then, but I knew I felt low

William: Probably around elementary school. My family moved a lot and I never was able to make friends. And when I did, we ended up moving again and it wasn't like it was down the street or near the same neighborhood. We've moved all over D.C.

Kevin: I think since I was 13, but I didn't completely rationalize it till I was an adult around 19 or 20

2. Have you sought out to get help and guidance from a counselor or a psychiatrist? If so, what was your take from it?

Sean: Didn't really seek out for help, but my mom really helped me out. I'm seeing a counselor now. She's like a family friend. She said I had something like Psychosis. It's like when you're feeling like people are against you. During the sessions, she treats me like I don't have a problem. She'll ask me how my day's going and stuff like that

William: Only attempted once. Getting professional help is definitely beneficial. It comes down to comfortability. People like going to people they know then going to a complete stranger, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to start over with trusting someone I didn't know

Kevin: Yes I started seeing a therapist in August 2018 and it was the best decision of my life. I learned to take care of myself before others, which is what I struggled with for a long time. For years I put everyone before myself and it slowly ate away at me and made me angry at everyone, cause I was angry at myself

3. Do your friends and immediate family know about your traumas with your mental health?

Sean: Um yes, my sister knows. My Mom knows. One of my close friends knows. Actually, he was there during the worst of it

William: Most of my friends and my immediate family knows. Me and my family are pretty distant. The only one who truly knows is my sister

Kevin: Yes, my friends know and I am open on talking about the trauma and my mental health growth. I have inspired one of my friends to go to therapy recently

4. Have you tried to tell someone close to you how you feel and what you been through?

Sean: Yeah my homegirl. I told her around the time I broke my finger

William: Yes, I did attempt to tell a family member. I wouldn't say it went downhill and went on a judgmental route, but they weren't going through the same things as me so they didn't understand what I was going through

Kevin: I tried to tell my mom about this early on. but it was dismissed

5. What does it feels like to live with depression and anxiety on a day- to- day basis?

Sean: It's like a job because whenever you get those symptoms I have to go through a checklist of things to get out of it

William: It's like you never know what you're going to wake up too. Some days, you feel like everything is okay, but other days, it's like it's going to be your last day

Kevin: It's a struggle, always feeling on edge, feeling less than or not good enough. Like I am going to fail at everything I do

6. What have been your chosen method(s) of overcoming your daily traumas?

Sean: Listening to music helped me out. I used to go to church. That helped a little bit. I felt safe. That's when I started my own spiritual journey. Talking to my friend, Khary and my mom. I have started working out. Now when I'm feeling depressed, I listen to music and go through a checklist of all the things that's going good and bad in my life. And usually I find that there are more good things happening for me than bad. That helps me fight my depression. Knowing that I'm not alone also helps me. By focusing on fitness and health, I learned that a lot of people go through some form of depression and anxiety

William: Between long walks, music, and my poetry

Kevin: Honestly anime has been helpful. Watching anime with confident characters such as Vegeta from Dragonball Z or Naruto from Naruto

7. Do you have any close family members who has also experienced depression and anxiety? Who were those members? Did they receive any support or resources to help them with their personal traumas?

Sean: My brother is going through the same thing as me. He's a brother from another mother (half sibling). Seems like he don't get that much support as me, but he's now in a group home and when I talk to him, he seems like he's getting better

William: The most recent to my knowledge, my nephew was experiencing depression who ended up competing suicide. It seems like he wasn't getting the right support. After talking to his mother, she said that she didn't see the signs. His dad knew he was battling with depression and he was Schizophrenic  

Kevin: Yes, I feel a lot of my family dealt with trauma, but I do not know the steps they've taken to address it

8. While living with depression and anxiety, have your mental health got in the way from creating meaningful relationships? How so?

Sean: Yea. Um, a close friend. She really wasn't my girlfriend, but a close friend. I didn't really tell her until we got into an argument. I really wasn't open to her back then about what I was going through. One day, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she kinda shut it down. I felt as though she knew I needed to grow more. We're still friends now, but I think the fact that I wasn't open to her back then; it messed up our chances of being together

William: Yes. For the ones like family members who couldn't understand what I'm going through. It has caused conflict among the relationships. They feel like I was pushing them away and they wasn't trying to understand what I've been going through

Kevin: Most definitely, I took out a lot of my mental anguish out on my partners and friends, not physically of course. I lost a lot of friends cause of it. I came for everyone else's insecurities cause I couldn't deal with my own. I know I can't fix the damage I've done, but all I can do is learn from it and move on

9. What do you wish people from the outside looking in knew about living with depression and anxiety as a Black male born and raised in the United States?

Sean: I wish they knew the confusion that African Americans go through trying to figure out who they are. We don't know our true origins unlike other races and even Africans. They don't understand the pressures of knowing who we are, understanding the effects of broken homes. The school system and entertainment don't focus a lot on how great we are and that we came from Queens and Kings. They don't understand our confusion

William: I just wish people would be more passionate about learning and understanding what we are going through instead of assuming and telling others to "get over it" and that "it's not that bad." They should want to learn about our struggles and know us as a person

Kevin: I want people to know that black boys cry in silence and sometimes we just need an opportunity to be vulnerable

10. Are we (everyone including the Black Community) doing enough to recognize the signs of depression and anxiety that takes place among members of the Black Community?

Sean: I don't think so because if they were they would teach in school how to mediate and how to take care of our mental health

William: I don't believe so. With the many suicide cases taking place, they aren't doing enough to create awareness to end the rate of suicide

Kevin: No not at all, its dismissed and seen as a sign of weakness. We celebrate people getting out of jail more than tackling and defeating mental illness

11. Have you met or know any females of color who has or are experiencing depression and anxiety? Can you point out any differences, Black females and males face and deal with when it comes to depression and anxiety?

Sean: I have met somebody like that. I can tell she's going through depression because I follow her on social media and it always seem like she's down. When we met, I tried to lift her up... I haven't been in a lot of relationships to know, but it seems like Black females are depressed about their natural features. They say things like, "My nose is too big." They feel as though they can't get males attention with their natural features. When it comes to Black males depression it comes from feeling like they have to compete with other males for women' attention

William: One of my female friends experiences depression. She's lesbian. Most of her depression comes from lifestyle choices and her fight for equal rights. I don't really see a difference between males and females of color experiencing depression and anxiety. We both try to level each other out

Kevin: Yes, I've dated women of color ( I only date women of color) who suffer from mental illness and its a struggle cause typically families aren't as open about it. Due to that it falls to me having to be a support system for them while dealing with my own issues

12. Do you feel Black females gain more support or just about the same as Black males when it comes to getting the resources needed to overcome depression and anxiety?

Sean: The only reason why Black females get more support than  the Black male is because culturally expressing feelings as a male is shown as weak... Women are more in tune to their emotions then men because we are supposed to stay focus. Men are taught to suppress our emotions because expressing feelings is a sign of weakness. Pride is a factor as well

William: I feel like it's equal grounds. Both genders have similar resources to get help if they want that type of help. But, you know, we can become our own roadblocks. When it comes to blocking our trust in people, not wanting to open ourselves through stubbornness, and taking things on our own because we are scared of being judged

Kevin: I feel that black men are less supported, but that's due to black men being seen as emotionless

13. What can the Black Community do to improve mental health care among the members of the community?

Sean: It's happening now. Recreation. They are building more recreations, but they need to step it up. Creating Gogos and events where we are able to come together instead of being isolated

William: I feel like the ones that experience depression and anxiety should form groups and host talking events to help the ones that are struggling with their mental health as well. This will show others that they are not alone

Kevin: First of all, allowing the conversation to begin unabridged. Once that starts it will flourish and be perfect

14. From reading the article, " 15 Habits of People with Concealed Depression," What is your take on the article? Can you relate to any of the mentioned items listed in the article?

Sean: On the first one ( They are often quite talented and very expressive), people who are depressed are often talented and very expressive. I feel as though I'm talented, but I don't get the encouragement to explore the talent. It can lead to depression. Another one is that you care too much where you don't focus on yourself and end up thinking about yourself last. And I can relate about knowing your purpose in life. When you don't know your purpose right away, it can cause you depression. That's when your patience comes into play

William: I definitely felt the article to heart. The article was kinda emotional. It felt like the person who wrote the article took the time out to understand what takes place with others experiencing depression. I could relate to all the topics mentioned

Kevin: I can relate to the article, but I would like to see a similar one done looking exclusively at people of color

15. Are you okay with using your real name or would you like to remain anonymous?

Sean: Yes, you can add my name. It'll make me seem more human and relatable to others

William: It doesn't matter to me

Kevin: Yes, you can use my name

          From this conversation I had among friends, it really opened my eyes on the things males of color living in the United States go through when it comes to living with depression and anxiety. This conversation also provided me with another perspective on what my ex seems to be going through currently that lead to our recent separation.

         If you paid attention to what these guys mentioned above stated. They all feel as though, we are not doing enough to support people in the Black Community when it comes to minorities mental health. The Black Community in itself is not really supportive or wants to acknowledge that depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders and illnesses do take place among our own racial community. It saddens me that while we have a whole month of July to give awareness on this matter, we haven't really progressed in actually doing anything about it. What I'm happy to hear though is that all three friends are either getting help from a professional to heal their traumas or at least tried too. They also mentioned something very important that most people dealing with depression and other mental health illness do. They was basically saying that, "Staying to yourself and participating in isolation, is something one should not do when it comes to battling mental illnesses." They also expressed how beneficial it is to go see a counselor or a psychiatrist at least once just to gain more understanding on one's mental health. And lastly, they came up with good examples on how we can

improve mental illness awareness among the Black Community. 

         You may not think you know anyone living with any form of mental illnesses or battling different types of traumas, but in reality you probably do. You may not be able to recognize all the signs or their change in behaviors, but if they come to you to finally address it, Please don't and I mean Don't, " dismiss their feelings and the things they say to you about their experiences." You can be that one person they can confide in too and may encourage them  to search for resources to help them heal mentally. I hope in this article, you gained something new and inspired you to contribute in some way to spread awareness as it has for me. See you next month when we conversate on another important.