It's now February 1st, and that means that there are thirteen more days to prefect any possible Valentine's day plans. When it comes to Valentine's day, it is expected to be the day of expressing love towards your partner and the people you love in a unique way that you probably don't often show to them during the rest of the year. Since a lot of people like talking about the positive sides of love during this time of the month, I decided to go a different route and talk about a sensitive topic that a lot of people have a hard time talking about openly. Within this article, I hope to bring to light what the many ways that are considered a form of sexual abuse, examples of rape from personal experiences, and resources to help any possible victims that have been in a similar situation.
In the past couple of years, there has been a lot of victims coming out to the public about receiving unwanted sexual interactions that took place among them as children or as a young adult in the childcare system and the Hollywood industries. There have been so many cases that it seems as though, a new trial comes out every other day and the states find further ways to tighten up the laws amongst childcare workers. As a childcare worker myself, I have experienced the changes within the system in the past year.
Before I started to write this article, I did some research and found a supportive sexual violence victim organization that has helped more than 2.5 million people since 1994 nationally. This organization is called RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network). RAINN is the nations largest anti-sexual violence organization who operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800-656-HOPE [4673], RAINN.org, and RAINN.org/es) while having a partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country. They also operate the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. The organization makes it's their mission to support sexual assault and violence victims through hosting programs to prevent sexual violence, helping survivors and making sure that sexual violators are accountable for their actions.
On the RAINN.org website, the term sexual violence was defined as, "an all-enpassing, non-legal term that refers to crimes like sexual assault, rape, and sexual abuse." The website also mentions the many types of sexual crimes with information provided about them. The following sexual crimes listed were: sexual assault, child sexual abuse, sexual assault of men and boys, intimate partner sexual violence, incest, drug-facilitated sexual assault, sexual harassment, stalking, adult survivors of child sexual abuse, using technology to hurt others (such as pornography), multiple-perpetrator sexual assault (gang rape), elder abuse, sexual abuse of people with disabilities, prisoner rape, military sexual trauma, and sexual exploitation by helping professionals. The website also provides information about the legal role of consent per state in the United States.
Now, you're probably wondering why I'm so passionate about this topic, and I'm going to tell you why I am. If you have been keeping up with my articles, you may remember in my December 2017 article, I mentioned that I told my current boyfriend that I am a rape victim during one of our dates before we became an official couple, but I didn't get into a lot of details about the actual encounter between the violator and me until now.
The incident took place a few months after I graduated high school and I was in my first semester of my freshmen year of college. Around this time, a lot of people from the two high schools I attended kept finding me on Facebook out of random after I changed the name of my page to my government name. They would send my friend requests and I would accept them because I didn't take it as a big deal. Well there was one friend request that should have remained just that, but it did not. After I accepted his friend request, we messaged each other on Facebook and eventually agreed to hang out. This guy was two years older than I and was only one grade ahead of me when we was in high school. We didn't hang out while in high school, but we had casual talks through passing in the hallways. I never really found him attractive in school, but when we hung out that time it was something different about him that I liked. I felt and started acting shy; which ended up developing a full-blown crush on him. He noticed my feelings and pointed it out to me. After that day we kept hanging out. We would flirt from time to time, but there were times where he would go overboard, but I would tell him to stop. I didn't want to go that far with him because of two reasons. The first reason was that I just got into a relationship with one of my exes and I didn't want to cheat on him. At the time, he was the first and only guy I could openly say I was utterly in love with. And I just wanted some male attention that I wasn't getting in my relationship. The second reason was that his natural scent did not agree with my nose. Everyone who knows me knows that I have a thing with smells. Well one day, he couldn't control himself and decided by himself that we should fuck. I kept telling him, no, but he wasn't listening to me this time. He pulled down his pants and put on a condom then proceeded to pull down my shorts. All of this was taking place while I'm trying to get him to stop. It didn't work, and he ended up inside me as he placed me in different positions I never did before. I felt nothing because I mentally took myself out the situation and imagined that I was fucking my boyfriend instead of him.
After that incident, I tried every way possible to forget it, and I eventually told him to leave me alone because he was now dead to me. A lot changed after that violation that I didn't notice, but others did. I started to become very clingy towards my boyfriend, but I didn't tell him what had happened to me because I was afraid that he would find the guy and possibly end up in jail. Also, I wasn't ready to admit to myself that the violation actually took place. Eventually, he ended the relationship. Another new habit I developed was my lack of trust in males besides the males in my family and my current boyfriends. Every time a male would touch me or even try to ask for a simple hug, my body would twitch to reject any form of contact from males. Also trying to forget about the incident didn't help because every time I would turn on the tv, I was reminded through the lenses of other girls and young ladies that were in similar situations as mine. Two years later after the incident, I felt as though I should tell the guy I was dating during the time of the event about it and why I suddenly became clingy during the last few months of our relationship. But every time we would talk, it felt like it was never the right time to bring the topic up until one day I was talking to a current boyfriend and he encouraged me that it was a good idea. The next time, I spoke to my ex, I told him everything. He tried his best to be supportive and tried his best to not act like an ass-hole as we exchanged messages through an app called KIK. After we finished talking, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. From the time of the incident to the two years afterward, I learned that I had personal friends, co-workers, and a boyfriend who was sexually violated as well.
After learning that I knew people who were in a similar situation as I, I did some research and discovered that many of the celebrities I enjoyed watching as a form of entertainment or inspired to become similar too were also sexually violated. On the website, www.ranker.com, they list some celebrities who came out publicly that they were also survivors of sexual abuse. Below I will list the name of the celebrities and a summary of what happened to them and where they told their story.
1. Oprah Winfrey
. Was raped by a relative when she was nine years old. She has mentioned her story on her talk show, "The Oprah Winfrey" show
2. Lady Gaga
. Was raped by a record producer at nineteen years old, who was twenty years her senior. In 2014, she mentioned her story on the radio to radio host Howard Stern. Her song, "Swine," is about the incident
3. Shia LaBeouf
. Had been raped by a woman during his #IAmSorry performance art project in 2014. Later that year in November, he made a public claim about it
4. Gabrielle Union
. Was raped while working at a shoe store when she was nineteen years old
5. Tyler Perry
. Was raped by a mother of one of his childhood friends, who held him hostage in her house until he agreed to have sex with her
6. Fran Drescher
. She and a friend were robbed and raped in her home while her husband Peter Jacobson was attacked, tied up, and forced to watch the incident in 1985
7. Fantasia
. Was raped by a classmate while she was in high school
8. Queen Latifah
. Was sexually abused by a babysitter when she was a child
9. Maya Angelou
. Was raped by her mother's boyfriend at the age of eight years old in 1936
10. Billie Holiday
. Was raped by a neighbor at the age of twelve years old in 1926
After looking at this list of inspiring people, I am able to look at my experience in a better light, and I hope others will be able to as well. This topic is not the easiest topic to talk about especially if it personally happened to you or to someone who is close to you. So when someone comes to you who have had this experience take place in their life, just listen because it took a lot for them to come to you about it and that means that they trust you with that information. Even if they decided to say something years later, still listen because there are many reasons why they waited to speak up. For me, it took me two years after the incident because I didn't want the people I cared about to get in trouble or ended up in jail for defending my honor. And the other reason was that I didn't want people to feel sorry for me. A lot of survivors feels similar, for many, they just want to understand why did it take place and was it possible to avoid it before it happened. I still don't want people to feel sorry for me, but I feel as though by telling my story, I can help others who are also survivors. If you are or know someone who has been in a similar situation, please share the website, RAINN.org or give them the organization number at 800-656-HOPE [4673]. There is a light in every situation and as Maya Angelou's states, "A wise woman refuses to be no one's enemy; A wise woman refuses to be anyone's victim." Encourage others to speak up when a wrong has taken place and just listen; do not blame them.
Cited Sources
About RAINN. (n.d.). Retrieved January 24, 2018, from https://www.rainn.org/about-rainn
Miscreants slit blind girl's throat after rape attempt |. (1250). Retrieved from http://www.orissapost.com/miscreants-slit-blind-girls-throat-after-rape-attempt/
Lists (2018). You Probably Didn't Know It, But These Brave Celebrities Are Rape Survivors. [online] Ranker. Available at: https://www.ranker.com/list/famous-rape-victims/celebrity-lists [Accessed 24 Jan. 2018].
