As I was strolling on Facebook earlier last month, I came across an article that I started seeing being shared among my Facebook friends. When I first glanced at the article when it was first shared, I thought it was an interesting topic and something I would check out later. I never got to reading the article almost towards the end of the month of July.
Within the month progressing, the article continued to be shared and people I personally knew where commenting how they could relate to the things that were mentioned in the article. This article is titled, "15 Habits of People with Concealed Depression," and it became one of the reasons I wanted to focus on this topic for this article.
If you've read any of my earlier work, then you know that I have experienced some form of depression in my life, but I was able to get the right resources in order for me to heal mentally and go back to being my true self.
My interest in this topic grew more when I was watching an episode of "Grown-ish." The episode was focusing on mental health problems that takes place within the Black Community. After watching this episode, reading the comments posted under the article on Facebook, and recently had my two-year relationship end because of this matter; I was left with the question, "Are we (the African American Community) doing enough to recognize the signs of depression and anxiety that takes place among members of our own community? And are we actively doing enough to support and give them the needed help they need and deserve in order for them to heal from their traumas?
In this article, I'll showcase a conversation I had with a group of male friends from the Black Community who has expressed to me previously before writing this article about the things they had to face while living with depression and anxiety. I chose to focus on males from the Black Community because I feel as though this group of people receive the least amount of support when it comes to their mental health versus when it comes to the amount of support females from the Black Community receives who has also experienced similar traumas. I also learned that last month was "Minority Mental Health Awareness Month.
My goal for this article is to give this group of people a chance to express what we can do to improve mental health awareness in the Black Community, a chance to speak their truths, and how mental health breaks up many types of relationships among family, friends, and love interests.
1. When did you first realize you was experiencing depression and anxiety?
Sean: When I left home for Lincoln University at the age of 19. I wasn't sure about the symptoms back then, but I knew I felt low
William: Probably around elementary school. My family moved a lot and I never was able to make friends. And when I did, we ended up moving again and it wasn't like it was down the street or near the same neighborhood. We've moved all over D.C.
Kevin: I think since I was 13, but I didn't completely rationalize it till I was an adult around 19 or 20
2. Have you sought out to get help and guidance from a counselor or a psychiatrist? If so, what was your take from it?
Sean: Didn't really seek out for help, but my mom really helped me out. I'm seeing a counselor now. She's like a family friend. She said I had something like Psychosis. It's like when you're feeling like people are against you. During the sessions, she treats me like I don't have a problem. She'll ask me how my day's going and stuff like that
William: Only attempted once. Getting professional help is definitely beneficial. It comes down to comfortability. People like going to people they know then going to a complete stranger, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to start over with trusting someone I didn't know
Kevin: Yes I started seeing a therapist in August 2018 and it was the best decision of my life. I learned to take care of myself before others, which is what I struggled with for a long time. For years I put everyone before myself and it slowly ate away at me and made me angry at everyone, cause I was angry at myself
3. Do your friends and immediate family know about your traumas with your mental health?
Sean: Um yes, my sister knows. My Mom knows. One of my close friends knows. Actually, he was there during the worst of it
William: Most of my friends and my immediate family knows. Me and my family are pretty distant. The only one who truly knows is my sister
Kevin: Yes, my friends know and I am open on talking about the trauma and my mental health growth. I have inspired one of my friends to go to therapy recently
4. Have you tried to tell someone close to you how you feel and what you been through?
Sean: Yeah my homegirl. I told her around the time I broke my finger
William: Yes, I did attempt to tell a family member. I wouldn't say it went downhill and went on a judgmental route, but they weren't going through the same things as me so they didn't understand what I was going through
Kevin: I tried to tell my mom about this early on. but it was dismissed
5. What does it feels like to live with depression and anxiety on a day- to- day basis?
Sean: It's like a job because whenever you get those symptoms I have to go through a checklist of things to get out of it
William: It's like you never know what you're going to wake up too. Some days, you feel like everything is okay, but other days, it's like it's going to be your last day
Kevin: It's a struggle, always feeling on edge, feeling less than or not good enough. Like I am going to fail at everything I do
6. What have been your chosen method(s) of overcoming your daily traumas?
Sean: Listening to music helped me out. I used to go to church. That helped a little bit. I felt safe. That's when I started my own spiritual journey. Talking to my friend, Khary and my mom. I have started working out. Now when I'm feeling depressed, I listen to music and go through a checklist of all the things that's going good and bad in my life. And usually I find that there are more good things happening for me than bad. That helps me fight my depression. Knowing that I'm not alone also helps me. By focusing on fitness and health, I learned that a lot of people go through some form of depression and anxiety
William: Between long walks, music, and my poetry
Kevin: Honestly anime has been helpful. Watching anime with confident characters such as Vegeta from Dragonball Z or Naruto from Naruto
7. Do you have any close family members who has also experienced depression and anxiety? Who were those members? Did they receive any support or resources to help them with their personal traumas?
Sean: My brother is going through the same thing as me. He's a brother from another mother (half sibling). Seems like he don't get that much support as me, but he's now in a group home and when I talk to him, he seems like he's getting better
William: The most recent to my knowledge, my nephew was experiencing depression who ended up competing suicide. It seems like he wasn't getting the right support. After talking to his mother, she said that she didn't see the signs. His dad knew he was battling with depression and he was Schizophrenic
Kevin: Yes, I feel a lot of my family dealt with trauma, but I do not know the steps they've taken to address it
8. While living with depression and anxiety, have your mental health got in the way from creating meaningful relationships? How so?
Sean: Yea. Um, a close friend. She really wasn't my girlfriend, but a close friend. I didn't really tell her until we got into an argument. I really wasn't open to her back then about what I was going through. One day, I asked her to be my girlfriend and she kinda shut it down. I felt as though she knew I needed to grow more. We're still friends now, but I think the fact that I wasn't open to her back then; it messed up our chances of being together
William: Yes. For the ones like family members who couldn't understand what I'm going through. It has caused conflict among the relationships. They feel like I was pushing them away and they wasn't trying to understand what I've been going through
Kevin: Most definitely, I took out a lot of my mental anguish out on my partners and friends, not physically of course. I lost a lot of friends cause of it. I came for everyone else's insecurities cause I couldn't deal with my own. I know I can't fix the damage I've done, but all I can do is learn from it and move on
9. What do you wish people from the outside looking in knew about living with depression and anxiety as a Black male born and raised in the United States?
Sean: I wish they knew the confusion that African Americans go through trying to figure out who they are. We don't know our true origins unlike other races and even Africans. They don't understand the pressures of knowing who we are, understanding the effects of broken homes. The school system and entertainment don't focus a lot on how great we are and that we came from Queens and Kings. They don't understand our confusion
William: I just wish people would be more passionate about learning and understanding what we are going through instead of assuming and telling others to "get over it" and that "it's not that bad." They should want to learn about our struggles and know us as a person
Kevin: I want people to know that black boys cry in silence and sometimes we just need an opportunity to be vulnerable
10. Are we (everyone including the Black Community) doing enough to recognize the signs of depression and anxiety that takes place among members of the Black Community?
Sean: I don't think so because if they were they would teach in school how to mediate and how to take care of our mental health
William: I don't believe so. With the many suicide cases taking place, they aren't doing enough to create awareness to end the rate of suicide
Kevin: No not at all, its dismissed and seen as a sign of weakness. We celebrate people getting out of jail more than tackling and defeating mental illness
11. Have you met or know any females of color who has or are experiencing depression and anxiety? Can you point out any differences, Black females and males face and deal with when it comes to depression and anxiety?
Sean: I have met somebody like that. I can tell she's going through depression because I follow her on social media and it always seem like she's down. When we met, I tried to lift her up... I haven't been in a lot of relationships to know, but it seems like Black females are depressed about their natural features. They say things like, "My nose is too big." They feel as though they can't get males attention with their natural features. When it comes to Black males depression it comes from feeling like they have to compete with other males for women' attention
William: One of my female friends experiences depression. She's lesbian. Most of her depression comes from lifestyle choices and her fight for equal rights. I don't really see a difference between males and females of color experiencing depression and anxiety. We both try to level each other out
Kevin: Yes, I've dated women of color ( I only date women of color) who suffer from mental illness and its a struggle cause typically families aren't as open about it. Due to that it falls to me having to be a support system for them while dealing with my own issues
12. Do you feel Black females gain more support or just about the same as Black males when it comes to getting the resources needed to overcome depression and anxiety?
Sean: The only reason why Black females get more support than the Black male is because culturally expressing feelings as a male is shown as weak... Women are more in tune to their emotions then men because we are supposed to stay focus. Men are taught to suppress our emotions because expressing feelings is a sign of weakness. Pride is a factor as well
William: I feel like it's equal grounds. Both genders have similar resources to get help if they want that type of help. But, you know, we can become our own roadblocks. When it comes to blocking our trust in people, not wanting to open ourselves through stubbornness, and taking things on our own because we are scared of being judged
Kevin: I feel that black men are less supported, but that's due to black men being seen as emotionless
13. What can the Black Community do to improve mental health care among the members of the community?
Sean: It's happening now. Recreation. They are building more recreations, but they need to step it up. Creating Gogos and events where we are able to come together instead of being isolated
William: I feel like the ones that experience depression and anxiety should form groups and host talking events to help the ones that are struggling with their mental health as well. This will show others that they are not alone
Kevin: First of all, allowing the conversation to begin unabridged. Once that starts it will flourish and be perfect
14. From reading the article, " 15 Habits of People with Concealed Depression," What is your take on the article? Can you relate to any of the mentioned items listed in the article?
Sean: On the first one ( They are often quite talented and very expressive), people who are depressed are often talented and very expressive. I feel as though I'm talented, but I don't get the encouragement to explore the talent. It can lead to depression. Another one is that you care too much where you don't focus on yourself and end up thinking about yourself last. And I can relate about knowing your purpose in life. When you don't know your purpose right away, it can cause you depression. That's when your patience comes into play
William: I definitely felt the article to heart. The article was kinda emotional. It felt like the person who wrote the article took the time out to understand what takes place with others experiencing depression. I could relate to all the topics mentioned
Kevin: I can relate to the article, but I would like to see a similar one done looking exclusively at people of color
15. Are you okay with using your real name or would you like to remain anonymous?
Sean: Yes, you can add my name. It'll make me seem more human and relatable to others
William: It doesn't matter to me
Kevin: Yes, you can use my name
From this conversation I had among friends, it really opened my eyes on the things males of color living in the United States go through when it comes to living with depression and anxiety. This conversation also provided me with another perspective on what my ex seems to be going through currently that lead to our recent separation.
If you paid attention to what these guys mentioned above stated. They all feel as though, we are not doing enough to support people in the Black Community when it comes to minorities mental health. The Black Community in itself is not really supportive or wants to acknowledge that depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders and illnesses do take place among our own racial community. It saddens me that while we have a whole month of July to give awareness on this matter, we haven't really progressed in actually doing anything about it. What I'm happy to hear though is that all three friends are either getting help from a professional to heal their traumas or at least tried too. They also mentioned something very important that most people dealing with depression and other mental health illness do. They was basically saying that, "Staying to yourself and participating in isolation, is something one should not do when it comes to battling mental illnesses." They also expressed how beneficial it is to go see a counselor or a psychiatrist at least once just to gain more understanding on one's mental health. And lastly, they came up with good examples on how we can
improve mental illness awareness among the Black Community.
You may not think you know anyone living with any form of mental illnesses or battling different types of traumas, but in reality you probably do. You may not be able to recognize all the signs or their change in behaviors, but if they come to you to finally address it, Please don't and I mean Don't, " dismiss their feelings and the things they say to you about their experiences." You can be that one person they can confide in too and may encourage them to search for resources to help them heal mentally. I hope in this article, you gained something new and inspired you to contribute in some way to spread awareness as it has for me. See you next month when we conversate on another important.
