Seven Straight Years of College: What's the Move Now!

Taking Pictures Around the Campus the Weekend Before Graduation Day

          When I first started my college career seven years ago, I had a dream to become a successful published writer and somehow be able to travel all over the United States and around the world, but I had no idea how to turn that dream into a reality. I started college at Prince George's Community College where I eventually received my Associate degree in General Studies.

         During the first semester at Prince George's Community College, I enrolled in classes as a journalism major. For the entire semester, people close to me was asking me how I was going to complete my goal of becoming a successful writer. At the same time, these were the same people telling me how a lot of authors don't get their books published until many years later. Their comments really discouraged me into making me believe that I would never get my work published let alone become very successful at it. After doing some research on my favorite authors such as Nini Simone, I learned that they majored in Psychology while in college. This new found knowledge lifted my spirits and inspired me to continue my journey  of becoming a published writer.

          I originally wasn't planning to attend a traditional college when I started high school. I was really into modeling at the time and was hoping to attend The Arts Institute to master the craft once I graduated , but my mind changed when I enrolled in a program called, The Upward Bound Trio Program, at Prince George's Community College during the summer heading to tenth grade. Through this program, I was surrounded by a lot of people around my age and looked like me who had higher goals then I could ever imagine having for myself. This is where I thought about giving traditional college a try and my interest in modeling started to decrease dramatically. By the time I finished tenth grade, my interest in writing came back. For the next two years, I spent participating in creative writing activities such as writing songs and poetry, being a part of the yearbook team, joined the school's choir, and writing short stories.

Spirit Week at Upward Bound Summer Camp

During my senior year of high school, I applied to a few schools around the country and in Maryland, but sadly I only received a small amount of scholarship money from schools or was denied acceptance. With the help from the Upward Bound program, they helped me with the FAFSA application and getting enrolled in classes at Prince George's Community College by the time the second session of classes  started in September.

          I would spend three years in community college and it was life changing. I was originally planning to stay at the school for no more than a year before transferring to a University. After learning that I could receive more scholarship money by graduating at a community college first, I decided to stay until completion. I never changed my major to Psychology because I learned earlier that not all the credits would transfer if the University didn't have a placement for the credits. That's why I changed my major from Journalism to General Studies.

          While at Prince George's Community College, I reconnected with old friends from high school and family members who were also attending the college. I gained self-confidence with myself mentally and physically through learning about my peers background stories and compared them to mine. I learned that Black Americans, Caribbeans, and Africans were taught differently about each other and that is why there is a large divide among the entire Black community. I also got a set of poems published in the school's art and literacy magazines three semesters in a role.

          Getting published showed me that it was possible for me to become published sooner than I thought and that there were actually a group of people who liked my work. It also showed everyone who was telling me how long it typically took to get published, that I was the small population who could beat the odds. Once enrolled at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, I applied to be the school's Newspaper poet and got the job. I was the one and only poet they had for the newspaper. I was the poet for one semester until they decided to take out the poetry section out of the newspaper.

One of the reveals for the PGCC Art & Literacy Magazine 

          The atmosphere I received from UMBC was completely different from the atmosphere I received from PGCC. When it came to PGCC, it  felt like a HBCU whereas at UMBC felt like a good  representation of diversity working together as a community. I purposely chose not to attend an HBCU because I felt as through I had already gained all I needed to gained when it came to self-confidence and pride as a Black woman at PGCC so it was now time to expand my horizons to what the real world really looked like.

          While I was gaining a lot of positive experiences at UMBC, the first semester was very nerve wracking. The old habits I used to pass my classes at PGCC was not helping me at all with my classes at UMBC. I felt all the students in all my classes was extremely smarter and ambitious than me. By midterms, I almost felt like a failure and should just drop out. That is until I had a talk with one of my psychology professor, Dr. Shawn Bediako, and he told me that all students especially transfer students had similar experiences and feelings during their first semester at UMBC. I did drop out of one class that semester though. Every time I hit a breaking point with my classes, I remembered that talk and kept pushing forward until the very end. Not too long ago, I went to an event on campus for an English course and ended up sitting next to Dr. Bediako where I told him how much that talk we had three years ago had really helped me with the future classes I would take after the first semester and that I was now considered a senior.

          As you read the previous paragraphs on how I started my college career as a journalism major to graduating PGCC with an Associates in General Studies to later enrolling into UMBC as a Psychology major; you're probably wondering how I ended up graduating four years later as a double major in Psychology and English with a concentration in Developmental Psychology; well there is a story behind that too.

          As I was enrolled at UMBC as a Psychology major, I was minoring in English because I didn't want to take only psychology classes every semester. While I was interested in Psychology since high school, I always had a passion and love for writing. By the time it was time for me to enroll in a college course level math class with a passing grade of  C in order to take the last core class I needed for my Psychology degree, I changed my major to English on a Communication Technology track and minored in Psychology because I thought I wouldn't have to take anymore math classes, but I was completely wrong. I still had to take another math course because I received a D in Pre-algebra at Prince George's Community College; which was acceptable for graduating community college, but not for graduating UMBC or most universities.

          After being a UMBC for a complete school year, I wanted to remain on campus for the summer. I found a job at Columbia Academy and made a deal with my Dad that if he paid for the summer rent for my apartment, I would enroll in the needed math course over the summer. My first day working at Columbia Academy was on Graduation day for Undergrads at UMBC.

          While working as a preschool teacher aide and remaining a full-time student, I became inspired to expand my education. When I was looking at the different programs I could enroll in, I found an interest in the Developmental Psychology concentration. I though it was a Bachelor degree program, but it was only a concentration certification. In order for me to receive the concentration I had to complete a Psychology degree as a major. As I looked at all the credits I completed so far, it only made sense to just double major in Psychology and English while completing the Developmental Psychology concentration.

Working at Columbia Academy
Took Pictures for a feature as UMBC Intern of the Week in October 2018

          Fast forward to a year and a half later, I graduated from UMBC on May 23, 2019 with degrees in Psychology and English with a concentration in Developmental Psychology. The week following graduation, I spend going to a lot of interviews and received my concentration certification in the mail. The next week I was hired as a lead teacher in a daycare/ preschool center in D.C. called Goldie's. I've been working here for a little over a month now and my college education with my previous experiences working in a center is paying off greatly.

Just one of the Nature Spots on Campus

At the School Library

The School's Mascot. The Golden Retriever

What Does UMBC stand for you say?
University of Maryland, Baltimore County

Graduation Day May 23, 2019

Graduation Day May 23, 2019

Graduation Day May 23, 2019

Graduation Day May 23, 2019
What's Hotter than 1 degree? 2 Degrees
with a Concentration

Working at Goldie's
The D.C Local Fire Department came by to Visit the School

So what's the plan now, you say?

          Since the last month of college until now, I've been applying and interviewing for international teaching jobs to teach English as a second language. This process for me has been more competitive than finding a job in the states. I am also enrolled in an online course in order to gain my teaching English certificates before heading out the United States for international work. I am also planning to take the DMV test to get another permit and enroll into a local driving school. And lastly, I will be finishing up my memoir and getting that and my children books published through self-publishing.

          From being in college for seven years, I've learned that college is all about what you make of it during your time there. It can become a positive experience or a waste of time, depending on the goals you have for your life. For me personally, I entered college with the mindset that I had a true passion for English and writing and it should be pursued. But, when I started focusing on getting a degree where I could get a good job and placed my passion in a folder, that's when everything went downhill. Once I regained my focus to make my passion work for me and create the lifestyle I have always pictured myself living, my experience in college changed dramatically. I also learned how to make college work for me instead of making college just work for them and the government.

          My advice for current and future possible college students, do not pick a major for nobody else but yourself. When choosing a major do not pick it because you believe you will make a lot of money in the possible field. Pick your major(s) through your pure interest in the subject. Once you declare the major, find groups on campus and internships/ jobs that fits in that educational background and participate or apply for the internship/ job. This is the best way to know whether pursing that degree and entering that career field is for you. If you find out that the majority of the job does not interest you the way you believe it should, don't consider yourself a failure or that you didn't work hard enough to like the career choice because figuring out what you like and don't like when it comes to work environments is about  growing into the person you are meant to be and what you truly want in life. Spend all your college years exploring your options and possibilities in all aspects of your life because being in college is really your last chance to be indecisive about your future career and it's an okay thing to do. Search for other programs you're interested in and change your major and internship that fits your new major and interests. Lastly, do not wait after graduating college to get a paying job. You never know when your going to need to pay for your way for certain things in order to get your degree. Those things can be paying what's left of your tuition, paying to fix something on your car, or paying for your health needs. Having a job while in college will make your resume look good too. Also, there is nothing wrong with attending community college. It is not like the thirteenth grade. It feels like a regular college campus just not as big as a University. You will also save a lot of money and gain additional scholarships by attending one as well. I wish you all the best of luck on your next journey as I'm entering mine. See you all next month.

These are the Titles I've Grown to Become Over the Years

New Chapters Awaits Me

Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019

It is now December 28, three more days before it becomes the first of January, can you believe that? Since the end of September, it seems as though the rest of the year has been going by faster and faster. Or is it just me who feel this way?

I would like to push the pause button and take the time to reflect on the goals I'd  created for myself in the beginning of the year and compare it to the goals I accomplished so far.

Goal #1: To make sure I post a new article every month

As we sit in December, I have not skipped a month and I hope to continue the trend next year

Goal #2: Survive Spring 2018 semester

I say this because the classes I needed in order to graduate on time, they were scheduled at random times and made it impossible to earn enough money from my job to save for bills and additional activities. Also, I was taking a very intensive English course. I survived with a C in that course, and A in another, and Bs in the others. I did this all while having broken nails throughout most of the semester.

Goal #3: Go on vacation to a different state that I haven't visited yet

Well I was not financially able to make that possible this year, but I was able to go to Ocean City, Maryland that I haven't been too in years.

Goal #4: Enroll, pay for, and survive my summer classes

Over the summer I had to take a core class for my psychology concentration and statistics for my psychology degree. Both classes were very intense and took over my entire summer. I don't even feel like I had a summer break. At the end, I passed both classes.

Goal #5: Collaborate with other writers

In the very beginning of either January or February, a member of one of the writer's groups I'm in On Facebook mentioned that we should create an anthology for a charity. I mentioned my interest from the very beginning and soon became one of the editiors for it. The book is at it's final editing stages before publication and one of my poems will also be included.

Goal #6: Celebrate year #1

Me and my boyfriend make it one year together with no breaks. This is the longest relationship for both of us. We will be celebrating year #2 soon. Who knew I would gain something great and long-term on Tinder?

Goal #7: To become UMBC's intern of the week and gain my Professional Edge Badge

I was mentioned as the intern of the week during the week of October 26 and was featured on the UMBC Career Center page. And two weeks ago, I finally received my Professional Edge Badge and Certificate

Goal #8: Grow my hair pass bra length and keep it that way

All year, I've been looking for new ways to keep my hair moisturized and stop breakage from taking place when my hair reaches a certain length. Since the beginning of the Fall Semester, I've been washing my hair once per month and moisturize it every couple or a few days apart. So far my hair has been breaking off less and I just might reach my goal by my graduation date.

Goal #9: Find a way to pay for my senior year of college without having to pull out a loan

With the help of my grandmother, I am currently able to make this a reality.

Goal #10: Finish Fifty Shades Freed before seeing the movie

I finished the book but realized that I didn't see Fifty Shades Darker the year before. I have now seen that movie but still in need to seeing the actual movie I intended on watching.

From the goals I mentioned having for the year and achieving most of them, I can come to the realization that this year was very rewarding for me and all my hard work has been paying off. I'm going to keep this positive energy with me as we enter 2019.

As you reflect on the goals you made this year, how many were you able to accomplish so far?

Now that we have reflected on 2018, it's time to move forward to the goals we have for next year. What are your new goals? What goal are you taking with you into 2019 and which ones are you leaving behind in 2018? And what are your new goals for the upcoming year?

For me, these are my goals I'm bringing with me in 2019:

Goal #1: Collaborating with other writers and have the anthology published

Goal #2: Continue writing new articles each month

Goal #3: Find a way to pay for my senior year of college without pulling a loan

Goal #4: Grow my hair pass bra length

Goal #5: Go on vacation or travel in a different state/ place that I haven't visited yet

I don't have any goals to leave behind because the ones I didn't mention bringing with me in 2019 are the goals I already accomplished, but I do have new goals I want to work on and accomplish in 2019.

Goal #1: Graduate with my B.A.s and Concentration in May

Goal #2: Start my Youtube Channel

Goal #3: Finish the rest of the chapters of my  memoir

Goal #4: Start on the editing and publications for the memoir

Goal #5: Start on the editing and publications for my children's books

Goal #6: Go back to doing Spoken Word and do book readings for both the memoir and children's books

Goal #7: Work on getting my license

Goal #8: Restack my savings account

Goal #9: Read more books

Goal #10: Going back to the gym and start eating healthier meals while maintaining my weight

These goals I've mentioned bringing to 2019 may seem like a lot of goals to accomplish in just one year, but many of these goals I've been working towards during pervious years including this one. The reason why I was able to acheive a lot of my goals this year was because everyday I thought about these goals I made while waking up each day to complete tasks to lead me to succession of accomplishing my goals. You can do the same with the goals you are bringing and creating for the new year to come. I will also suggest you to write your goals down and place them in locations that you will see them daily. I will also suggest making a vision board as well. I plan to talk more on these topics next year on different platforms.

 I hope you know your goals for the year are more than simple New Year Revolutions, these are goals to lead you to the lifestyle you want to live in your near future. I hope to see you all next year and possibly through more than one form of media.

Happy Holidays and happy New Years!

It's About D*mn Time I Get Some Planned Me Time!

Picture found on Pinterest 

          The weather is getting cooler, assignments from professor are piling up faster, people, in general, are starting to get on my very last nerves, and I realized that I just needed some well planned me time.

          I've been doing good with time management when it comes to staying on top of all of my assignments since the start of my senior year in college and completing all the responsibilities expected of me at my job and side activities I’m involved in while trying to have a social life. But while trying to create plans with friends and a certain somebody, it seems as though, I’m the only one trying to fit within everyone’s schedule, but nobody is really trying to fit time within mines. Well, I'm done being the only flexible one. If

they want to hang out with me, they will have to fit within my schedule from now on. If not, oh well! 

          This past weekend, I have had enough. I had two papers to turn in that weekend, an exam to take yesterday, and two more papers to turn in on the weekend coming up. All I wanted to do besides completing my assignments was to see the Halloween movie that I've been waiting to see since I saw the first commercial of the screening. Well, those plans kept getting pushed to other days. I finally decided to turn my phone completely off and ignored everyone in existence. People were really starting to get on my nerves, but I won’t say any names. 

          I took a cat nap and put my assignments on pause. I have time tomorrow. I instantly started feeling relieved. I later got up and decided to eat dinner, but first I needed a good show to watch. I’ve been dying to watch the second season of Big Mouth on Netflix, but I was waiting to be able to watch it with my boyfriend, but since he also feels as though I should fit within his schedule, he can watch the show by himself now. I don’t care! This will now be apart of my Me Time. And on top of watching Big Mouth, fixing my plate for dinner; I added a glass of wine to the mix. I was then in a great place of relaxation. With this event alone, I felt my stress levels lowering and my body was in a great relaxed state. I need more of these Me Time events.

           I think I should plan a time within each month to dedicate time just for me. This event will include me turning my phone completely off once a month, find a good show or movie to watch, and a nice glass of wine by my side as I enjoy my own company. I will then gather all the irritating people, and the many pressures that I feel are placed on me in a storage box that I can come back to later. This time will be about me and me only.

          When was the last time, you had some quality me time? If you have, what did you do or plan to do in the future because I would love some suggestions especially if this becomes a once a month thing? If you haven’t had one of these yet, does this article convince you to give it a try?

Who Can We Really Trust These Days?

          From looking at the shirt I'm wearing in the photo above, you can see the image of Tupac Shakur, who was a famous American rapper in the 1990s, throwing his two middle fingers in front of his face while a police officer is standing behind him. Above his head reads the words, "Trust Nobody." This shirt perfectly expresses how I feel about the police departments and the criminal justice system we have placed in the United States. There have been so many incidents taking place where officers and the criminal justice system has failed "A lot" of its residents, and it seems as though the numbers are rising since before and during Trump's election years. I speak of cases such as the case with Trayvon Martin and the case with Robert White. In both examples, the victims were black males who were both unarmed, but the officers of the cases thought otherwise, and it lead to both victims getting killed. When it came to the Criminal Justice system of both cases, the victims were seen as the problem and that their deaths were acceptable consequences while the people who caused their deaths were treated in a way that let them get away with their wrongdoings. If it were the other way around, the victims would have been automatically given a bigger sentence or even given the death penalty. If you clicked on both of the victims' names, you would have learned that both cases took place within seven years apart. When it comes to the case of Robert White,  it took place this year which means that things have not changed when it comes to our officers and the criminal justice system that we the American people are paying taxes for. In both cases, you also learn that both victims were innocent black males. Many of these cases the victims were usually of color, and in most of those cases, they were the one that was found guilty even though they were not alive to be able to speak on their own behalves. Instead, it has lead to many protests that usually don't last long (e.g. The two Football Season Protests) and justice is still not properly served. Tupac felt the same way during his time on Earth, and many people like me are still feeling the same way in 2018. So as a person of color, I have a question. Who am I supposed to trust when I need police intervention? Yes, I know not all cops are not like that, but how can you really tell the difference between a "good" cop and a "bad" cop until you're face-to-face with one of them? At that moment it might be too late to find out if they turn out to be one of the "bad" cops. 

          Now I would like to bring up a current event that took place last month that personally affects me as a current college student, a student attending the University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC), and someone who has experienced sexual harassment and rape. On September 20th, the school hosted a listening session about the mishandling of Title IX cases that were given to the campus police department last year and a couple years ago. Both Title IX cases involved sexual harassment and rape among college students. In one of the cases, in particular, it was learned that one of the campus police officers were involved and misused his title and authority. They too were one of the people who raped one of the college students. So I restate my question. "Who can we really trust these days?" 

           When you are experiencing sexual assault, harassment, or rape, the final thing you are told to do is to report it to the police. Then hope they'll take the case seriously and not try to place the blame on you. But in this case, it was the police officer who was the one to violate the law, so who is next in line to reporting the incident? You would think, you could report the case to the head of the department, and they would handle the situation and fire the officer in the process. But apparently, that wasn't the case for the UMBC police department. The station tried to hide the case for about two years until it suddenly got released a week before the listening session event. In this case, even though one police officer violated their authority, the whole police department is still at fault because they tried to hide the cases and it seems as though, they never decided to fire the officer nor let the UMBC community know about these events taking place. I call these type of cops, "Want to seem good but are still bad" cops. And that is why I question the people who call themselves police officers these days. A lot of people already had fear and didn't trust cops to respect and protect "all" the residents in their counties especially when it comes to people of color, but now new fear arises for the population of women who could become a cop's next sexual victim. This also places more questions for the police located in Baltimore, Maryland. We still haven't resolved the distrust many people had developed in 2014-2015, and now we have to add more to this distrust with them now that this Title IX cases have come out at UMBC. Also, even after the listening session took place, there still hasn't been any word of whether or not they fired that police officer nor the officers who knew about the incident.

Now, I have a question for you. Who do you place your trust in when it comes to protection and respect?

Tinder Dating: One Year Later

During the taking of this picture, I knew for sure I wanted to make it official. 

          If you have been following my page regularly, you should already be aware that I explored the world of online dating for the first time last summer. My reason behind the idea was to try something new, put myself out there to meet new people, and to write an article on multi-dating possibly. Well, an article was created about my experiences with multi-dating by using the Tinder dating app, but I gained so much more than I originally intended when I created my Tinder account profile. If you are new to my page or are not familiar with my articles that talks about my online dating experiences, click the following links to get caught up. Multi dating Tinder Edition & Who did I end up choosing

          Now that you are all caught up, it's time to fast forward to now. As you read the "Who Did I end up choosing?" article, I mentioned that I ended up falling for two guys on the app. When I originally started meeting guys on Tinder, it was just through curiosity and that there was a possibility that a friendship could come out of it. Well at the end of the article, I chose Calvin* to make it official with. Thanks to you all who read that article, I ended up getting the most views I have ever had since creating my blog. So with that being said, "Thank you and I hope you keep conversating with me through my blog."

The day we celebrated our one year anniversary

           A few days ago, me and Calvin* (his real name is Logan) just celebrated our first year anniversary, it was on August 28th.  We decided to celebrate over the weekend before since I was going to start the Fall semester of college the very next day of our anniversary. We went to the game room on campus and played pool, ping pong, and ate pizza. Afterward, we went back to my place, and he made dinner while I made drinks. Lastly, we played one of my favorite board games, which was the Game of Life. Overall, it was a very chill and great night.

          So looking back from the very beginning of our relationship, it felt like the typical honeymoon stage; which typically lasts up to three or four months. During the honeymoon stage, that's when everything about the relationship is excellent and reality hasn't hit you yet. I am very familiar of this stage and know that the feeling doesn't last long since I've been in committed relationships longer than the length of the honeymoon stage. Unfortunately for Logan, four months was his longest relationship until now, so all he knew is the honeymoon stage. The honeymoon stage for us lasted two months longer than the typical honeymoon stage. 

          After the honeymoon stage was over, reality definitely hit us. Not every single thing that took place within the relationship could no longer be easily brushed off because the newness of the relationship was wearing off. Now that we had been together for six months, we struggled trying to find time to hang out while also working on our future careers. With all this taking place, money has been a cause for many of our conflicts. I mean what can you expect when two early 20-year-old young adults are in a committed relationship while at the same time working on their careers and completing their education? I mean the 20s are intended for personal, educational, and career growth; which equals to a lot of hard times when it comes to finances. At times it seemed as though, one person was so deep in bettering themselves that they accidentally left the other person hanging in the background. We have been working on balancing out the relationship and our careers. I believe that we have gotten to a better space with this.

          When I mentioned that I gained a lot more than I intended when I first started using Tinder, well I did. And he told me that he did as well. When we initially joined Tinder, we had two opposing reasons for creating an account. I joined to write an article, while he joined to meet new possible friends to hang out with since moving back to Maryland. It kinda shocked both of us when realized that we actually liked each other more than we intended to happen. We both were dating other people at the same time we were dating each other and after we had a conversation last year, we dropped the other people immediately and then started officially dating. Throughout this year we've been together, I learned to put down my emotional walls entirely and to become more vulnerable. 

This picture was taken on Valentine's Day

          The difference between this relationship and all my past relationships is that everything I hoped to gain in a committed relationship, this is the only one that had just about everything I had on my checklist and possibly more. The other relationships either had some or close to none. I almost questioned myself because I thought that I probably set my standards too high, but I kept getting the thought that it wasn't so I never made any hard changes to my must have standard list when it came to dating. On my list, I wanted a guy who was patient, motivated and ambitious about something he loves, loves to travel and try new things, has to be a family person, and values education. On my Tinder profile I mentioned a few of the things I was looking for and for the most part, the guys that I matched with shared a lot of those qualities so they must have read my profile. I found that shocking because I felt as though most guys on dating apps just look at pictures and pay little attention to profiles. Clearly, I was wrong about that and was happy that I took the time to create a well-detailed biography. With that being said, it shouldn't have been a shocker to me when I learned that Logan had all the qualities I mentioned on my profile and the ones I didn't even list but was still hoping to gain in a future relationship.

         We have now made it to the first year officially dating and I can't wait to see the number of years of being together add up over time. By online dating, I found something that I did not initially try to find but wanted and was looking for. The same can happen to you as well. They say that the best relationships happen by accident and my story proves right. Just have fun, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself, and let things happen naturally. If you ever were wondering about giving Tinder, multi-dating, or online dating a try; I hope I convinced you enough to try it out three articles later lol.

Why Should You Strive to Become a Better Communicator

          When it comes to the art of communication, it is something that everyone will have to learn and do throughout their whole lifetime on Earth. We communicate to be heard, to be understood, to get tasks and goals accomplished, and lastly to express different types of emotions. In this article, I will be showing you why it's important to work on your communication skills and why a good communicator should strive to become better communicators.

          As I came across this topic, I was and is still coming off to people as misunderstood and it made me wonder why. Is it my body language? Does my personality has anything to do with this? Or the way I communicate with certain people just clashes and sents off the wrong messages that I was not trying to send? I believe all three could have possibly been the reasons. I will use a current example to explain my reasoning to my conclusion.

          At the beginning of the summer, it seems as though my current boyfriend and I were not seeing eye to eye when it came to the future status of our relationship. I thought things were fine for the most part, but that we were just in a dry state in the relationship at the moment. Whereas, he felt as though I was starting to lose interest in him and would possibly become interested in seeing other people. When he first mentioned this concern, I was taken back by the comment because it felt like new information to me. It took us about two weeks of a lot of miscommunication to learn that he has been feeling this way since late Spring. Now why the fuck did he wait so long to tell me this?... This is what I was thinking inside my head and wanted to say it out loud to him but decided this was not the time to bitch. I decided on trying to have a real conversation that did not lead to any arguing.

          After hearing this comment being stated by him, I tried to go back into my memory bank on how I could have possibly made him feel unwanted. The only thing I could think of was that I was very stressed during the Spring semester taking two more classes than I usually took in one semester and because I was taking a lot of classes, I couldn't work the same amount of hours I often worked for during the Fall and Spring semesters and that resulted in a smaller paycheck for 4 to 5 months. To add to this fact, one of the classes I was taking was extremely hard for me to understand and find any interest in attending class for the lecture hours. With little money coming in, I had no money to save for the summer, I had no play money to participate in activities as outlets, and I had to continually take out money from my savings to pay for Uber in order for me to get back to forth to work and school. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that my computer was going in and out of the shop because I broke it during the end of the Fall semester. I had to pay out of pocket to get that fix as well. Luckily, I passed all the classes with flying colors to the point you would wonder why I was stressing so much.

          So texting and talking on the phone did not help our communicate our feelings and concerns about the topic at all, so we agreed that he would come over to my place so we can talk in person. When he arrived, the vibe was admittedly off to me and apparently, he felt the same when he stated that I wasn't doing things I used to do in the beginning of the relationship and that since I wasn't doing those things with him that it could be a possibility that I must be doing those things with someone else who currently had my interest. He also stated that in one of our recent conversations that when I used a lot of me terms and no we terms when discussing my future plans after college and this added to his concerns. I understood his point on how he could feel that way, and I thought I had a legit reason for my use of me terms and little to no we terms.

          If you are not aware of my past relationships from previous articles I've written, this current relationship is my longest relationship I have even been in without having any breaks between dates. When I mention taking breaks, I talking about breaking up and eventually getting back together. Out of all the people I dated, I only considered starting a real future with one or two people and do you know where they both ended up becoming? Dead and done. I learn quickly after the off- and- on relationship I had with my high school sweetheart that no one would have me that deep in love that I lower my standards to make things work. Another thing I learned was that I will always find a way to make sure I stay on my career path and accomplish my life goals and no one will stop me from doing that. That includes relationships with all the people that surround my presence.

          At the end of our in-person conversation, he had the nerve to be like ", So what do you think you need to do to better our relationship?" I looked at him like, "Nigga, ain't you in this relationship too?" I know I am not perfect, but I'm damn sure 'nuff ain't the only one in this relationship. Instead of cussing him out and say everything I was thinking, I came up with possible ways I could do better on my part and left it at that. When he left, I felt a lot was left unsaid and we didn't accomplish the main goal; which was how "WE" could make the relationship work. Between text message and Facebook messenger, it was determined that we needed to meet up again and redo the in-person conversation. I knew it, but he wouldn't know where I would lead the discussion until he got there.

          When he enters my apartment, he asks to make him some food. At this point, I'm already annoyed because every time his ass come, he needs a damn meal like he done gave me a fuckin' ring and paying a bill or two of mines. If you can't tell, I was on my Destiny Child's, "Independent Woman" and "Can you pay my bills... If you did then maybe we could chill" attitude, but I had a mission to complete and it was going to be completed that night.

          As we were sitting in the dining room at the table eating dinner, I started staring at him trying to find the right words. Of course, my face and body language are very expressive, so he automatically knew I had something to say so I ran out of time to think of the right words. I  blurted out, "So do you realized this year so far we been together, we only celebrated one birthday and like three holidays together?" I then paused and looked at him, and he didn't have a response to my comment, so I continued talking. "During the last time you came over, you made a statement that I stopped becoming affectionate around the middle of the Spring semester, well remember you didn't come to my birthday celebration and nor did you do anything to make up for it?" No response. "We at least did hang out for your birthday." Still no response. "Oh, how about Christmas? I gave you a gift, and I got nothing. He reminds silence while looking at me speak. In my head, I hope he is comprehending everything I'm saying and I'm not wasting my time and breath. " Also, we don't go on dates as we used to so how can you expect me to continue to do the same things I did in the beginning of the relationship when you're not doing the same things you were doing in the beginning either?"  He finally has something to say and mentions that he stopped taking me on dates because I stopped being affectionate towards him. "Well if all we do is hang at my house and I'm always feeding you more than you feed me then what do you expect. And anyone would feel a certain way when their boy/girlfriend or anybody close to them doesn't do anything for their birthday, but they did something for theirs. I mean your mother would feel some type of way if you did that to her so what makes me any different?"

          After pulling out the mom card, he was all ears and understood where I was coming from entirely. He then asked me why didn't I mention to him how I felt about the situation and now I was the one speechless. It took me a moment to come up with a response then flashbacks came to me of all the times I acted similarly. " Well I believe I probably mentioned them in some way, but not in a straightforward way and then when it seemed as though you weren't getting it, I just brushed my feelings off and as a result, I started becoming less affectionate. "It seems as though you too need to work on your communicating skills as well," was his response back and we were now on the same page.

          I used the previous example because it was one of the most recent miscommunication events that I have had with someone close to me and I felt as though this event shows that I too can work on bettering my communication skills even though I feel as though I'm already good at it. From this example, you can clearly see that I can and should work on this skill some more. I also learned some tips on how to better my communication skills through this experience. One thing I learned about my communication skills was that I can become very defensive when I feel as though the other person is saying something negative about my character. Sometimes it's okay when you have valid points, but is not always needed. As in this example, telling my boyfriend how I felt about him not doing anything for my birthday was one of the main reasons why I started becoming less affectionate towards him and me giving my reasons for my actions gave him a clearer understanding of my actions. A second thing that I learned was that when I think I'm being straightforward about something, I'm not always being seen as being that way. Actually others including my boyfriend find it as the opposite, and I end up giving out a lot of hints until it gets to the point where I start brushing my emotions off. And lastly, one thing I have noticed way before this previous event is that I need to work on just listening to what the other person has to say without trying to come up with a comeback response before they even finish talking.

          By dissecting the example I used, I was able to see first hand how I communicate and what my strengths and weaknesses are when interacting with others. Now it's your turn to dissect a conversation you had with someone recently that didn't turn out the way you planned it to be. While breaking down the conversation point out your strengths and weaknesses that you notice about your communication skills. Write down the things you noticed and then practice strengthening your skills with someone close.

See you next month!

How I learned my purpose in life & how you can do the same

         

          Are you upset about your current life situation? Not sure about your passion in life? In need of a change of a different life path? Then I believe you arrived at the right place and at the right time. In this article, I will tell you the steps I made to learn my passion and purpose in life and give you tips on how you can find yours.

          When I was very young, I had a thing for pencils, paper, and doodling. I was four years old, and I didn't know this would soon become a passion of mines. I just knew that I enjoyed participating in that activity and I felt relaxed while doing it. I didn't realize that I could make my passion for writing into a real career until I graduated high school. Once I graduated twelfth grade, I decided to take my writing more seriously. I started to write different types of poems, and I wrote one short story for a class project.

          During the month of September of that year, I enrolled in my local community college to major in journalism. I had high hopes that this degree would lead me to a great life as a writer,  but listening to my family and learning their thoughts about the career I wanted, gave me the feeling that it would be impossible to make a living as a writer and that having any kind of writing degree would be pointless. I then read up on my favorite authors who went to college to see what did they major in while they were in college and I found that most of them studied Psychology. I then read an article about an MTV star who was deciding to major in Psychology as well. In the article, she explained her reason why she was going to major in the subject, and she shared a similar interest as me; which was the fact that we like helping others. That day, I decided that I would change my major to psychology and possibly become a counselor and within that path, I would find a way to publish books as well.

          To give you a background story of my life, I am the oldest sibling of three children between both of my parents. My mother went to the same community college I went to and received her associates in child development, while my father went to a trade school, but I am unsure if he finished his program. My grandparents on my mother side moved from North Carolina, and they only had a high school education. With this background, I entered college sightly blind sighted of what I'm supposed to major, how I'm I suppose to know what I would be interested in doing for the rest of my life after graduating college, and how I am I suppose to gain resources that surpass my parents and grandparents knowledge? The only close family members who attended a University and received at least a Bachelor degree was my grandparents on my father side and his sister; which is my aunt. By the time I graduated with my Associates, I only had one grandparent and my aunt to talk to about life as a University college student. Today as I'm entering my final year at my University, I only have my aunt. With this small background story, you can see how I could feel completely lost when it comes to the thought of entering University.

          Back in high school, my godmother told my mom about a program my godbrother had just enrolled in at the community college. The program is called Upward Bound at Prince George's community college, and it helps children who come from homes where their parents are either have low-income paying jobs, have never earned at least one American Bachelor degree, or both. I had to file out an application, and I was soon accepted into the program as well. While in the program, I got helped with school work, I got to visit different colleges, learned about people of different backgrounds and teamwork, and I gained many resources that I would soon need once I become an official college student. My transition from being a senior in high school to becoming a freshman in college was a little rocky until I realized that the resources I had while in the high school program was still helpful and accepting of me once I graduated out the program. They helped me find two jobs on campus through the financial aid program. Through those jobs, I was able to gain the skills that I would continue to use today. They also helped me with my applications for University colleges and scholarships in my state. Without these resources, I don't think I would have attended the University of Maryland in Baltimore County, which was my first and primary choice after graduating from Prince George's Community College with my Associates.

           During the Fall semester of my last year at the community college, I came across a flyer on one of the billboards looking for creative writing pieces to include into their art & literacy publication and I submitted a few poems to the college's newspaper group. Two of my poems were accepted, and I performed one of the poems during the book release event. This was the first time I became published anywhere, and this gave me the confirmation I needed to realize that not only do the people who personally knew me but that other people liked my work and motivated me to continue writing. I entered the next two semester publications, and those poems got accepted too, and I was allowed to perform at both events.

          During the time of the third publication release event, I was now a UMBC member working on my first semester there. I was also part of the UMBC Retriever Newspaper as a poet, and I was the secretary of my apartment community that was also located on the campus. At this time in my life, you would think I was on cloud nine and life couldn't get any better for me. At this moment, I felt just like that, but reality will soon set in, and it would quickly feel like I made two steps back. This event took place when I was having a conversation with my dad and telling him that I had a hard time passing an advanced math class. At the end of our discussion, that is when I decided that I should make my minor into my major and my major into my minor.

           It took me a year and a half before I was able to change my major to how I wanted it to be changed to as a double major in English and Psychology. I even added a concentration in Developmental Psychology after working at my current daycare for a year and a half. I decided to double major because I realized how much I enjoyed writing and I knew I would have regretted not getting a degree in English and I needed at least one English class each semester as an outlet between the Psychology classes. And I kept Psychology as my major because I did enjoy most of my psychology classes, but not as much as I enjoyed my English classes and I took too many courses to just receive a minor in it. At this point in my life, I soon realized that I no longer wanted to become a counselor and that my passion has always been writing and working with children.

          After realizing my passion, I look back on how life tried to tell me what they were in many mysterious ways. One sign was that I would always feel as though writing was an outlet for me and I enjoyed it so much that I would create new stories and poems for free. Another sign was that life would always find a way to get me to write new creative material. And the art of working with children has always been a natural skill for me thanks from the shallowing I did with my mom throughout her career. And within both professions, I receive a lot of feedback that my writings and working with children have help them in some way. Even though I no longer plan to become a counselor, I am still able to help others as I wanted to when I initially changed my major to Psychology.

          For my advice to you, I would say to first pay attention to the signs. What is one or more activities or thoughts you keep coming back to and find complete happiness in? What is one thing you would do for free if bills were not involved? My second advice would have to be, focus on your own happiness and not anyone else's. When you become selfish about your own happiness, life becomes very worth wild. My third advice would be, don't be afraid to try something new. If you find that you have interest in something that you never done before, just try it. How would you know what you're good at or like if you haven't even tried it out first? The answer is, you won't and you just might regret not participating in the activity in the future. And my fourth advice, don't wait to make it the changes in your life happen, start working towards those goals now because tomorrow is not promised to you.  As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change that you wish to see in the world." See you next month!