Is it normal to have constant arguments with the person you are in a relationship with?

When it comes to being in a romantic relationship with someone it always seems as though arguments with them are just bound to take place overtime and there is no way out of it. So why even try to avoid something that is going to take place anyway.

            According to the Merrian-webster dictionary app there are more than a few definitions for the word argument. The first definition given for the term argument is to give reasons for or against something. The second definition given is to say or write things in order to change someone’s opinion about what is true and what should be done. And lastly, the third definition given is to disagree or fight by using angry words. The last definition given is the most popular method many couples use when they find themselves in an argument or disagreement with one another. But what are the typical topics that couples usually argue about? For the site All Women Talk site came up with twelve reasons why couples typically find themselves in arguments and how the couple can solve the problem and end the constant argument with each other over these topics; which was created by Melanie Fitzpatrick. Fitzapatrick listed her twelve reasons in a count-down fashion while listing children the twelve reason. She found this topic is a never-ending argument. When you first start getting serious with someone and are thinking about starting a family, the argument will be about whether or not you two should have children or not. Then when you two finally have that addition in your life the argument about children switches to how to raise the child, what they should eat, how your family believes the child should be raised, how much money you should spend on them, what time the bed time should be for him or her, and the list continues. Melanie says the best way to end this argument is by learning how to communicate and compromise with one another because it’s better to meet halfway on certain things you know you won’t be able to convince them to agree otherwise. For Melanie’s eleven topic would be about either their partner’s or their career choices. The topic career choice can become a problem within a relationship when the career is taking up more time that could have been spent with your partner and when it starts to affect not only the time you spend with your partner but also your children and other family members. According to the site the best way to solve this problem is by sitting down and talk to one another about this. They also suggest to plan some time together and show them that your career does not always come first. Planning a small vacation can also be a great idea to plan. The tenth topic that couples find themselves arguing over money. We don’t even need to include any details because we can all come up with some examples on how an argument got started because of this topic Melanie who is happily married and finds this topic one of the things she and her husband argues about. She mentions how having no money can be stressful but as long as you have one another, everything will be fine. She also suggest that you and your partner should come up with a budget plan to help save money. Even though Melanie had a great suggestion that I also seen works was a great tip and idea that I received from reading Steve Harvey’s book, “Think Like a Man”. In his book he included that between you and your partner there should be four accounts. The first two accounts are personal accounts. One account belongs to you and the other account belongs to your partner. These accounts are never shared. The second account is where both of you use to pay the bills. Bills such as rent, gas, electricity, and water. Car note and other car bills should be paid in the individual accounts also the cell phone bills. The fourth account is the household savings account which you use for a “rainy day”. Each month you and your partner put money in all four accounts and that should lessen any arguments about money issues. When I read this tip from Steve Harvey’s book I thought this tip was amazing but I found something was missing from it. What if you have a child or children, will only four accounts be enough? I feel as though it’s not. To include to Steve Harvey’s tip I would give each child a savings account. Let the children put money into their accounts, but don’t let them be able to take any money out until they turn 18 years old. By that time the child should have gained some experience on how to solve their money and take care of their basic responsibilities. The ninth topic that many couples argue about is their sex life. Fitzpatrick believes that sex helps the bond between couples to grow deeper and stronger which I highly agree with her on. She also mentions that “the longer a couple has been together, the greater their sex life will suffer” and make sure that does not take place is by opening up to your partner and you tell each other your likes and dislikes. I would also include trying new things in the bedroom or maybe out the bedroom. The eighth topic that Melanie says most couples argue about was house work. She also mentions that housework is a big topic that leads to arguments among couples because usually one puts in more work to keep the house neat and clean while the other partner is usually the one creating most of the disorganization. The author says that by dividing the house work among each other it can help to create less stress. The seventh topic and probably the most comedic of all the reasons why many couples argue is because someone left the toilet seat up. This is another topic that we don’t need to get into much detail, but we know how this alone can create wars especially very late at night and don’t feel like turning on the lights and end up taking a splash. The sixth topic is titled toenail clippings. I don’t believe a lot couples have this problem a lot couples have this problem, but for some this can be a huge debate. This topic basically is saying that one or both partners don’t like each other’s hygenic technique. The only way to end any future arguments is by telling your partner how unhappy it makes you feel and to complete the task a different way or do it where you are not present to see. The fifth topic is the In-Laws. This topic is very common with couples who’s been in a romantic relationship for a long period of time or are married. According to Melanie, she believes the best way to lessen these type of arguments is by speaking to your partner about what you don’t like about their parents and try to find ways to lessen any problems. The writer also mentions not to pick sides with yours/theirs or your spouse’s side. The fourth topic that causes many arguments among couples is snoring. Just thinking about this topic boils my blood. A lot of people probably feel the same way and can agree that sleeping with someone who snores loudly can cause a lot of tension between you and your partner, but unfortunately Melanie does not have any completely successful suggestions to try besides sleeping in another room, wearing ear plugs at night, or seeing a doctor about the problem. Melanie’s third topic she listed as topics that many couples argue about is what movie to watch. For this topic, I find this the least topic to worry about unless you and your partner have to share one tv all the time or it seems like the balance of who picks the next movie is not equal then you should worry and change that now. The second topic discussed in Melanie’s post was what to have for dinner. Melanie had something to say about this topic. She says, “This one may seem strange, because my husband and I always find something for dinner we agree with, but there are some that come from total different worlds”. Even though this topic is not one to turn into a big argument she gave her suggestion. She suggests that each partner take turns on what you two should eat.  And lastly and probably the more relatable topic to that causes constant arguing is ex-spouses and ex boyfriends/girlfriends.  Many people have a problem with their partner remaining friendly with their ex-lovers for various reasons. The suggestions given for this situation is too just stop talking to your ex-lover or tell your partner why this causes a lot of problems with you. I personal free at some point, we become old enough to choose our friends and be fully committed to our partner and by me telling my partner to stop being friends with someone even an ex then I feel as though they never learned that skill in life and is not mature enough to be with me. Also if a person wants to cheat and it may not even be with an ex-lover, they will just find a way anyway so why stress over something that probably didn’t take place or cross your partner’s mind. Sometimes stressing your partner about cheating that they haven’t done can lead them to eventually cheat. Do you know the song “I should have cheated” by Keyshia Cole? If you haven’t you should definitely give it a listen because it describes this topic well.

            Melanie Fitzpatrick may have created a list of topics that usually have many couples be in a battle field with one another, but she wasn’t the only one with a list. A staff writer for eHarmony created a list as well. Their list consist of nine items. The topics that were the same as Melanie’s list were about money, household chores, sex, kids, and jealousy. The topics that the eHarmony staff writer added to their list that wasn’t in Melanie’s list was stress, free time, politics, and religion. The eHarmony writer says that stress can cause couples to argue because outside events that become stressful and bring those stressors home and take it out on your partner as though they were the reason for the stress. The writer suggests to become self-aware that this is taking place and the next time you feel like snapping at your partner take a breather before responding or saying anything to them. The second topic they said creates a lot of arguments among couples is free time. Usually this becomes a problem when one partner is more independent or busy than the other partner. The only way to solve this problem is to either find someone who is equally independent and busy as you are or to learn to compromise with your partner. The third topic was politics. This can become a huge argument among your partner if you two are representing different political parties who hold completely different views and beliefs. The best way to end these type of arguments is to respect your partner’s beliefs and political choices and they should do the same with yours. The last topic is very similar to the reason why couples argue about politics and that topic is religion. The writer suggest before getting too involved in any type of relationship with them, you need to know where they stand when it comes to their religion and practices.

            From the lists mentioned above it seemed as though it mainly focused on couples who were in a long-term relationship and couples who were in their 30s and older. Some of the topics mentioned were relatable to couples who were in their 20s but were not fully in dept. Gina Vaynshteyn, who is a featured writer for various places such as Bustle, Thought Catalog, and The Rumpus focuses on the topics many couples in their 20s usually argue about in an article found on connections.mic. In an article Vaynshteyn lists nine topics which she written as a form of comments. The first topic is, “Can you not be on your phone all the time?” Always seeing your partner on the phone or online can become a constant argument among you two because the other person who is not on their phone as much will feel neglected and will soon become jealous because it seems as though somebody else has gained your attention that they once had. To solve this problem is by putting the phone down and spend more time with your partner. The second topic Gina mentioned was, “You are always working, and I never see you anymore”. This is a typical topic among couples in their 20s because this age is known as the make it or break it stage. People in their 20s are still trying to figure out what life is for them, many are in school working on their degrees, and others are doing both while trying to gain independence from their parents/family and raising children. Now imagine trying to do all that mentioned while being in a committed relationship. Sounds like a lot right? If you said yes, that is because it is. As a twenty-something year old myself and single, I can personally tell you that it is a lot and adding a relationship to the mix can be very stressful at times. It seems like I’m always explaining to people or potential love interests that I am a very busy person and many do not understand what that means until I mention all the things I do and all the responsibilities I’m responsible for. That’s usually when they realize that I am really a busy person. This topic doesn’t just goes for couples in their 20s, but can also go for couples who are still working on making a name for themselves after the age 29 or have hit their life-crisis and wants a change in their life. The third topic mentioned is usually a topic a lot of young couples go through. That topic is, “Your apartment always look like a bomb went off”. When it comes to having a busy lifestyle and working on becoming something, it creates less time to keep a neat and clean house. This topic is always similar to the eHarmony staff writer and Melanie Fitzpatrick’s articles when they mention household chores is a constant argument among couples of the ages 20 and up. The fourth topic add is titled, “I feel like you never listen to me”. The writer says that this happens because your partner is afraid of confrontation and is trying to avoid it all together. She also states that being unwilling to communicate and hear your partner out will get you anywhere with your partner. The best thing about this topic is to listen more to your partner and try to compromise with one another. The fifth topic in the article is, “Why is your ex messaging you on Facebook? Do you still talk to her?” This topic is a huge argument starter among young couples in their teens and 20s. This topic usually turns into an argument because of various reasons. One of those reasons can be that your current partner feels uncomfortable at the fact that you are still friends or cool with your ex-lovers. Many people feels as though it’s impossible to be friends with an ex-lover. Some believe that if you can remain friends with an ex-lover then that means that there is still an attraction between the two ex-partners, but that is not always the case. Some people who are ex-lovers and are still good friends with one another may have realized that being in a relationship with one another wasn’t the best choice for them and went back to being just friends. Another reason why the current partner would become jealous of their partner having a connection with an ex-lover because they too may be talking to an ex-lover or to someone else romantically and they are feeling guilty about it, so they try to put blame on their partner when in fact they are the ones cheating and not their partner. And lastly, another reason why your partner may not like the fact that you are still friends with their ex-lovers because of past relationships where they trusted their partner to only be friends with an ex-lover or with another attractive person and got cheated on. I could go on and on about how the topic of still being friends with an ex-lover can cause problems and constant arguments among partners, but I believe this topic deserves it’s own article. The next topic that Vaynshteyn mentions in her article is, “Why don’t we have sex everyday anymore?” This can be a huge argument topic among couples who usually have multiple sex daily and then all of a sudden and it just stops to less times a week or just completely stop being sexually intimate all together. Vaynshteyn quotes a clinical psychologist and marriage therapist at the Family Institute at North-Western University named Alexanda Solomon. According to Alexanda Solomon, she says “our sex drive is always changing, our interests are always changing and our bodies are always changing”. She is basically saying that because we are always changing and sex becomes less important it does not mean that you and your partner should break up. Vaynshteyn suggest that you two should learn how to communicate those needs of having that sexual intimacy in your relationship and that it is important to have in order to avoid “resentment” and hurt feelings. I highly agree with both Vaynshteyn and Solomon. The seventh topic that Vaynshteyn included is titled, “So, what, you think I need to lose weight?” This topic is usually when a partner asks for a real honest answer when they truly don’t want it especially if it comes with an answer they didn’t want to hear. The best thing in this situation is to tell them that they look good too you. If they insist for more you should just tell them the truth and then tell them if they didn’t want the truth then they shouldn’t have asked. The next topic is titled, “It’s like you don’t take this relationship seriously. Do you even see a future here?” This topic is really focused on couples who are not sure if they are going to be in a relationship where it is long-term. Vaynshteyn suggest that you and your partner should figure out whether you see each other being in a long term relationship sooner than later. And lastly, the final topic is titled “You act like I’m trying to control you”. The writer states that “it can be difficult for young couples to transition from easygoing flings to the world of commitment. Sometimes one person is afraid of getting too close to their partner, while the other is afraid of losing them. This imbalance is the catalyst for struggles over freedom and control.” As we enter a generation where many people are all about having their independence others still picture themselves marrying the love of their life and starting a family. The main way to make this work is by giving each other space while also having some alone time with one another to create a balance of independence and interdependence within the relationship.

            When it comes to arguments there are various topics that most couples argue or fight about according to bloggers Melanie Fitzpatrick, the eHarmony staff writer, and Gina Vaynshteyn. The topics can vary from who is doing the most chores around the house to why are you still friends with your ex-lover on Facebook. We also discovered that couples in their 20s usually have different type of arguments with one another than the arguments that couples in their 30s and up have. Now that we have covered the topics that usually turn into arguments we now need to face the question on whether or not arguments with your partner or is the belief just a myth. On psychcentral.com, author Marie Hartwell-Walker Ed. D states in her article, for some people they believe in the idea that “there is no need to fight with your partner. Ever. Accusations, recriminations, character assassination, threats, name-calling, and cursing, whether delivered at top volume or with a quiet sarcastic sneer, damage a relationship, often irrevocably. Nobody needs to be a monster or to be treated monstrously. Nobody who yells will ever be heard. In the heat of a moment, it is always a choice whether to go for a run or run your partner down… On the other hand, no two people in the world, no matter how made for each other they feel, will ever agree about everything at all times. (It would be quite boring if they did.) Couples do need to be able to negotiate differences. They do need to have room for constructive criticism. They do need a way to assert opinions and to disagree. And they do need to have a way to express intense feelings (that the other person may not understand support) without feeling that they will be judged as lacking for doing so”. In Hartwell-Walker’s statement she is basically saying that many people share two main views when it comes to couples and arguments that are shared among them. Those views can be either be that it is never healthy to have, whereas others see it as added excitement to include to their relationship and a way to grow as and as a couple. According to Author Gigi Engle, who is a staff writer for Elite Daily wrote an article called, “It’s Worth the Fight: Why Couples Who Argue are Actually Happier”. As I read her article, I immediately found her style of writing insane. When I say insane, I’m not saying it in a bad way, but in a good way. The way she wrote her article expressed realness and true life without any cut cards given. In the article, she starts off by saying, “The strongest relationships are thick with arguments. No epic love stories were written about complacency from years of living in the doldrums of lame ass bullshit”. As I mentioned before this writer’s writing style is insane and true. As she mentioned, there will always be something to argue about when you are in a relationship so there is no point in trying to avoid it because there is no way. Gigi then mentions the reasons why arguing in a romantic relationship is healthy. Her first reason was that “it means your loved can survive anything”. She then goes to say that if you don’t fight with your significant other then it’s not true love. She is basically saying that if everything is so called perfect in the relationship and you guys do not argue at all then you guys may not grow within the relationship and also someone may be hiding something from their partner. This may not be true to older couples or couples, but is usually true with couples who just got into a relationship or couples who are in their 20s and younger. Gigi’s second reason was that “it means you respect each other’s views”. She states under the title that you and your partner views on important topics maybe very different from one another and being able to have mutual respect for one another shows that the relationship is healthy and lasting. The author’s third reason was that “it means you aren’t afraid of one another”. When Gigi states this she is saying that no one in the relationship is a pushover and can hold their ground which is important to have when in a committed relationship. The fourth reason given was that “it means your passion is incredibly visceral”. When she says this she is saying that arguments can lead to some amazing make-up sex. And who don’t like a good make up session with their partner? I’ll let you know I’ll be the first one in line for that. The fifth reason why arguing with your partner is healthy is that “it means you both stand by your opinions”. Gigi then states that if you and your partner argue a lot then you and your partner are very stubborn people. She also mentions how stubbornness is usually considered a negative quality in a relationship, but at the end of the day it proves that you and your partner are strong minded individuals. The sixth reason is that you are able to learn from one another. By having arguments it shows that both people have something different to add to the relationship and that means you are always learning from one another. The seventh reason is that your relationship will never be boring. When Gigi makes this statement, she is saying that couples who argue with one another from time-to-time usually have a relationship that is always interesting and keeps you on your toes. And lastly, the last reason why arguing with your partner is healthy is because it means that you are comfortable with one another. Being able to remain truthful to your partner even at times when you two cannot see eye-to-eye it shows that you two are passionate about your relationship and want it to be the best  it can be.

            Now that we have heard from both author Marie Hartwell-Walker and Gigi Engle, we can see that arguments with your partner can either be seen as a good thing or a bad thing. They also came with their own personal beliefs as well, but now we will hear the myths and truths that author Margarita Tarovsky has created. The first myth she listed was “A good relationship means that you don’t have to work at it”. If you believe this myth then that is probably why your past relationships did not work out because in reality “the strongest most enduring relationships takes lots of hard work,” according to Lisa Blum Psy.D. Lisa Blum is a clinical psychologist in Pasadena and Los Angeles, who specializes in emotionally- focused therapy with couples. She believes that our culture, education system and parenting styles don’t prepare us for the fact that even good relationships take effort. The second myth that Tarkovsky placed on her list is “If partners really love each other, they know each other’s needs and feelings”. Lisa Blum would consider this a set up to expect your partner to be able to read your mind because it is very unrealistic to believe. This is where having good communication skills is important to have in your relationship. The third myth listed is “If you’re truly in love, passion will never fade,” quoted by Orbuch. Margarita quotes Orbush who says “thanks to movies and romantic novels, we assume that if we genuinely love someone, “the passion, urging and loving” never goes away. And if they do disappear, then “it must not be the right relationship” or “our relationship [must be] in trouble”. But, in reality passion naturally decrease overtime in all relationships according to Orbush and Tarkousky. Even though they made some great points I believe that there is a way to keep the passion alive so that it won’t decrease from how it was. The best way to solve this problem is by trying new things and places together. That will always create new excitement with one another. The fourth myth listed is that “having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage”. This is another quote made by Orbush. Studies have found that relationship happiness actually decrease with every child according to Orbush. Orbush says this because with each child adds to more time taken away from your partner and more for each child. This is understandable why this would happen, but that’s why it’s important to find some alone time for each other and for individual time once a week while also including some family time in your week as well. The fifth myth is that “jealousy is a sign of true love and caring” according to Orbush. Tarkovsky mentions how jealousy is more about how secure and confident you are with yourself and your relationship. And according to Orbush, your partner must work on their insecurity issues on their own while still being supportive. Tarkovsky also mentions how it’s not a good idea to try to make your partner jealous because it can only backfire on you in the end because women and men react differently when it comes to dealing with jealousy. Orbush says that when men get jealous they can both get very defensive or angry and start to believe that the relationship is not worth being in. But, when it comes to women and jealousy they either try to improve the relationship or themselves. They’ll start to feel as though they are not good enough. The six myth is that “fights ruin relationships” but according to Lisa Blum that is not true. She says that what really ruins relationships is not being able to resolve the fights. Blum also mentions that fights can be really healthy, and an important form of communication and clearing the air”. The seventh myth is “in order for the relationship to be successful, the other partner must change”. Tarkovsky mentions on how many of us are very good at playing the blame game, but we really suck at thinking of ways to be better people for ourselves and partners. At the end of the day it takes both people in the relationship to change. And the eighth and final myth listed is that “couples therapy means your relationship is really in trouble”, according to Lisa Blum. Blum says that this is not true. She also says that many people may believe this because by the time couples seek therapy they may have just hit a hard patch in the relationship or have been suffering for a long time before going to see a therapist. She also suggest that people view couples therapy as preventative meaning as a way to help keep the relationship healthy before it gets very bad and can lead to a break up or divorce.

            According Margarita Tarkovsky, Lisa Blum, and Obrush we get to see the many myths that a lot of people believe is true when it comes to relationships. Now we focus on how we can end constant arguing with your partner more in depth. In an article by Bibi Deitz they start off by mentioning how frequent fighting with your partner is not necessary. Then they created a list of eight myths and five solutions. Bibi also quotes Dr. Romance throughout her article as well. The first myth is that fighting clears the air and brings out the truth. As mentioned in the beginning of this paragraph, “fighting is not necessary to clear the air”, according to Dr. Romance. The second myth is that “it’s ok to let it all hang out”. When Dr. Romance says that it means to be able to be as emotional as you want and to be able to say things you would never say to a friend or a boss. They also say that it is not okay because it doesn’t matter what you say we are all responsible of everything we say and do. It doesn’t matter whether you were sane or drunk because the hurtful and mean things you say will be remembered by your spouse or partner. The third myth is that fighting just happens and you can’t control it. Dr. Romance had something to say about this, she said that we always have a choice about our behavior and how we express ourselves. So when you feel as though you and your partner seem to be disagreeing with one another just walk away before you say something you don’t fully mean and come back and regroup so both of you can compromise. The fourth myth is that my partner makes me fight because they yell first. Again Dr. Romance says that no one is responsible for your behavior, but you. Just because they yell first does not mean you have to yell back. Same with the last suggestion walking away then coming back to regroup is the best thing to do in this situation. The fifth myth is that anytime we get angry, it’s natural to argue and yell. Dr. Romance says that this is just a plain old lie hat some people tell themselves because arguing and shouting is not the only way to express your anger. She also said that it’s just the most dramatic way. The sixth myth listed is that it’s a family trait and that everyone in my family argues. This is just an excuse to make it seem as though you are not the problem and that your behavior is correct in the situation. The seventh myth is that it’s okay to yell, shout, curse, throw things and hit walls, as long as I don’t hit a person. In Dr. Romance words, she said “These raging behaviors are classified as emotional abuse, which is just as damaging to families as physical abuse”. She suggest that couples should seek help if both partners act this way. The eighth myth is that fighting is a necessary part of being a couple. This is another excuse many people make. Couples will disagree and argue from time-to-time but it shouldn’t get to the point where it becomes a constant fight. The solutions to solve and end these myths is by not participating, don’t discuss old problems that you two had in the past, seek to understand your partner, try to solve it for the two of you (in other words try to compromise), and to talk to others to see what they think about you, and yours argument.

            In this article, we found that it is normal for couples to argue or disagree with one another from time-to-time, but it should never get to the point to were you and your partner are fighting constantly. That is when compromising with one another comes into play. Talking to your friends and family can also help. Maybe going to couples therapy can also be a great suggestion because they can help you and your partner stay on track. We also covered several myths when it comes to relationships and whether or not arguing with your partner is healthy to have.

Why do some people like to date and marry people who are older than them?

When it comes to dating, for some people age is an important factor when it comes to choosing potential partners. For others, age may not be an important factor but age can affect your dating life greatly. In this article the main focus will be people who dates or prefer people who are older than them. I will cover the pros and cons of dating someone who is older than your senior. I will also include a few examples of people who explains their reasons why they prefer to date people who are older than them.

            If someone would have told me a year ago that I would soon become one of those people who are attracted to older men, I wouldn’t have believed them at all. In the previous year, I was determined to grow up to become a cougar and marry a younger man. As I started experiencing life more, my interest in younger men have decreased dramatically and my interest in older men have rose greatly. Not only have my interest in older men become very present but I’ve found that I’ve been attracting a lot of older men lately. And I’m starting to like the interactions I’m having with them.

            As a young woman saying that she’s interested in older men have already created many stereotypes for myself.  Many people believe that young women only want an older man because they’ll have someone who can take care of them financially or that they’ll be considered mature because they were able to attract someone who were much older than them. I’m going to first say that these two stereotypes are sometimes true, but in most cases they are not. According to Heather Jensen, who is a blogger for the site “All Women Talk”, she believes that there are twenty-one reasons why women date older men. The first reason she listed was that older men are more established. Of course being more established would be the first reason to be listed since it’s the main stereotype most young women who date older men receive from outsiders. The second reason why women dates older men is for his intelligence. When it comes to older men they tend to have more educational thoughts and conversations than when it comes to trying to have similar conversations with younger men in most cases. The third reason is that older men are well- read. If you are the type of woman who loves herself a good book and would like a man who shares the same type of appreciation for books, older men are more likely to share that with you. Heather’s fourth reason is that he is more likely to have a career. This reason goes back to the first reason; which is to find someone who can take care of you finically. Even though her statement holds some truth, she does exaggerates that “older guys can be anything from CEO’s of great companies or they can be on the fast track to VP(vice president)”. In some cases this statement holds truth, but because of the way the economy is structured today it’s unlikely that every older man you date will be completely financially stabled as it probably was a century ago. The fifth reason is that older men have great manners. Who doesn’t like a guy who has manners? The next reason listed is that he won’t change you. This means that the older guy you date is least likely to try to hold much control over you and is willing to take you as the person you are. The seventh reason for a young woman to date an older man is to having more sexual experiences than she already has. Who doesn’t like keeping things interesting in the bedroom? I don’t know about you, but I sure do, so why not have someone who can teach you some new tricks. You just might surprise them and show them some tricks of your own. The eighth reason is that he has his own place. This is another reason of Heather’s that I found was overly exaggerated. In today’s reality, most men and even women won’t be financially ready to move out of their parents’ home until the age of thirty or older. Heather’s ninth reason is that the thought of a young woman dating an older man is taboo. That being said it means that society has deemed it unacceptable to do or to have take place. The tenth reason is that older men are more mature than younger men. The eleventh reason goes a long with the tenth reason. That reason is that older men are done playing the field. In many cases, at a certain time of a man’s life he starts to realize that it’s enough with the games and it’s now time to settle down and start a family. This usually takes place once he enters his middle to late twenties. The twelfth reason would be that older men are better communicators than younger men. Since good communication skills are very important to have when it comes to a successful and a fulfilling relationship then having an older man can be very rewarding to have. The thirteenth reason is that opposites attract. This statement is very true for more than just age differences. The fourteenth reason is the belief that the older the man gets the more attractive he becomes. This statement can hold true when it comes to a man mentally, but not all the time when it comes to the physical appearance. The fifteenth reason is the same as the fifth reason, which is that older men are more chivalrous. Being chivalrous is another way to say having manners. The sixteenth reason is that by dating an older man you’ll feel young. The fact that you’re dating someone older, you’re going to be and feel younger then him regardless of your initial age. It seems as though Heather broke down the reasons why young women date older men in a repeated fashion because in the seventeenth reason she puts that you won’t have to pay. This reason as well fits under the reason of being taken cared of finically. The eighteenth reason is that young women find that attracting an older man is a challenge that they want to win. The nineteenth reason for a young woman to want an older man is because he’ll be able to give her protection. Just knowing that he is wise enough to make smart decisions and choices when it comes to a dangerous situation can make you feel well protected and safe in any life-threatening situation. The twentieth reason is that it’ll be a change for her if she’s used to dating men who are around her age or younger. If dating younger men hasn’t gave you the results you’ve been searching for in your previous relationships then making this change can’t be too bad to make. At least giving it a try shows you’re openness to change. And finally we have reached the last reason on Heather’s list is that she just loves him and age was never a factor in dating him. This is one of the more common reasons for a young women to date an older man.

            Now that we’ve covered Heather’s reason why young women date men who are older than them, we will now cover Andrew Moore reasons why younger men like to date older women. Just for women who dates older men there is a stereotype for men who dates older women. The stereotype is that younger men only date older women for her advanced sexual experience. This stereotype can hold some truth in most cases, but that’s not the only reason why younger men dates older women. On the site Ask Men, the blogger Andrew Moore came up with ten top reasons why young men date older women. Moore starts off his list with the tenth reason. The tenth reason listed was that older women are independent. Moore mentions that older women love their independence and that they are “typically more” comfortable being alone. Unlike younger women, older women wouldn’t be as clingy or needy towards their partner. The ninth reason listed was that older women are assertive. In this statement, Andrew is saying that older women are able to express their feelings better than younger women and are least likely to continue to play the field (playing hard to get). The eighth reason why young men date older women is because they can offer them a good conversation. This is simpler to the reason why younger women date older men, they are able to speak on various topics since they’re experienced more in life than younger people. The seventh reason is that older women have more money. By dating an older woman who earns her own money, the younger guy don’t have to worry too much on giving her money all the time. The fifth reason is more of an opinion but Moore states that older women make better dates. He says this because he finds that older women have more sophisticated tastes and likes to go a lot of grown up activities; whereas he feels as though younger women are mostly interested in “getting stupid drunk and passing out in a public washroom”. For his fourth reason listed was that older women are less drama-phone. When Andrew makes this statement he is saying that older women have a more mature group of friends and does not try to be a part of any activities that can lead to drama. For Andrew’s third reason why younger men dates older women is because older women have more sexual experience. This reason is the biggest known stereotype for men who dates older women. This stereotype can be a reason why a younger would date an older woman, but usually it’s not the only reason. The second reason is that older women have more relationship experience than younger women. Moore says that older women know how to handle the trials and tribulations associated with relationships because they’ve been through it all before. And lastly, the number one reason why younger men dates older women is because they will value your time together. Andrew feels as though older women are more appreciative of the time you spend together and they aren’t likely to be reckless with your emotions; whereas younger women often don’t take men, relationships, or life in general seriously.

            Now that we’ve covered both Moore and Heather’s reasons why younger people date older people I’m going to break down the reasons even further and add more realistic scenarios why dating someone older may be a better option for you or someone you know who prefers to date older people. When we first see a couple who are obviously generations apart we always imagine that it’s for the reasons Jahmil “Jae” Eady prefers dating older men. Jahmil Eady is a 26 year old African American woman who goes by the name Jae as one of the women featured on the show, “#BlackLove”, which is on the television station For Your Information (FYI). On the show, she was set up on a blind-date and finds out that the guy was younger than her. When she found out his age she mentioned that it made her feel uncomfortable. On the date she learned that the guy was younger than her by a year and that he liked to play video games and was an Entrepreneur. He said that he chose the path of being an Entrepreneur because he didn’t like wearing suits and didn’t want a 9 to 5 job. He never mentioned the career. He was everything she wasn’t used to when dating a man. In her dating background she always preferred older guys. The guy she was currently seeing pervious to the show is in his forties. The guys she is used to dating were established, liked fancy things, and liked to be dressed in suits. In the first episode of the show, she tended to date older guys because she wanted someone who was already established in their career. Even though she dates mostly older men, she once dated someone who was younger than herself. She said that the relationship went horribly wrong. This is when she made up her mind that dating older men was the only way to find someone who had all the qualities she wanted in a man. Her upbringing played a huge role in her dating preference. When she was growing up in New York she was around a lot of poverty. That is why she found it important for her to have financial stability in her relationships. Jae shows the perfect stereotype of younger women who prefers to date older men, but as we already covered that’s not the only reason why women date older men. On the site, Madame Noire, the blogger Kschlicher does in depth on why women are attracted to older men with seven reasons. In the reasons it should have been expected that they crave to have someone who can provide them with financial stability. As Jae mentioned on the show by dating a financially stabled man she will be able to live in a more secure and comfortable space. For Kschlicher’s second reason was that she lacks a father figure. When I first read this reason I thought this was a crazy thought to believe but as I read his reasoning it all started to make sense. Kschlicher states that older men have paternal instincts and may pamper his spouse more than a younger man. When he states this he is saying the older the man gets his instincts to protect and to be able to provide becomes second nature to him. Another thing he stated about this reason is that some women who didn’t have a stable male figure growing up so she’s searching for a partner who can be that role for her. For those women looking for a father figure when they realize that they don’t need to continue to look for a father figure they will start to look for a mate. The third reason why women are attracted to older men is because of their maturity. This reason I can greatly agree with and may be the main reason why I’ve became attracted to older men lately and less interested in younger men. In Kschlicher’s statement, he mentions that older men have generally been through a lot of ups and downs in their lives and because of those experiences they become more mature than their younger male counterparts when it comes to both relationships and life in general. The fourth reason is that children aren’t their number priority to have. This reason alone is why I was determined to find a man who was around my age or younger because I don’t want to be the only active parent in the household but for the women who don’t see themselves having kids, by having an older man as a partner may be the perfect fit for them. In most cases those older men may have already had children from previous relationships and don’t plan on having any more children. The fifth reason listed was that those type of women attracted to older guys were afraid of being cheated on. I can understand where this thought came from knowing that older men should be done playing the field and have matured mentally to want to start a family, but not all older men are like that. There are older men who believes they are still too young to be in a committed relationship regardless of their physical age. The sixth reason reads “You’re a tad bit lazy”. When I read the title, I reread it again with a side-eye but after reading what the blogger meant I started to understand. What Kschlicher meant by “you’re a tad bit lazy”, he is saying that those younger women who are not really looking for an energetic guy in the bedroom then by having an older guy won’t be a problem. It will only be a problem if you are looking for that type of energy from your man. And the seventh reason why young women may be attracted to an older man is because older guys are more willing to show chivalry to women. The term chivalry is not a popular term used in today’s dating scene because it seems as though young men wasn’t taught how to treat women taught how to treat women and since women have been taught to become independent, they don’t know when they should let the man lead and take charge. Even though these reasons focused on why young women are or become attracted to older men, I find that these same reasons apply to young men who are or becomes attracted to older women too.

            When it comes to someone being attracted to someone who is older than them sometimes age was never a factor. For Ankit Mathur who is a featured writer on the site, “The Guardian”, he ended up in a committed relationship with an older woman but it wasn’t because of any of the reasons mentioned above. He honestly thought she was younger than she was. She was 39 years old at the time and he said that she looked younger than 39. They met at a social gathering event that was organized by an online international network in the month of March 2014. They spend several hours debating about the results of a U.S. survey about poverty and the economic system, but that’s it. They left their separate ways without exchanging numbers. They didn’t see each other again until months later. They spoke through email as he was signing up for another event, she emailed him saying it would be nice to see him again. He reminisce how he found her attractive when they first met and how he felt an immediate spark among them during the debate they had months prior. When they met up again at the event he took more notice of her but again he left without getting her number. That is when he contacted her through the meetup email the very next day. After that everything fell into place and they became a couple. Mathur never mentioned the lady’s name, but she wasn’t the first older woman he dated. In his previous relationship before his current, the lady was twelve years older than him. So does that make him a man who is in search for an older woman? No, because he also still finds women around his age and younger attractive as well. He now just have a larger selection to choose from. I would say I’m the same way. In the beginning of the article I mentioned how I thought I would become a cougar in the future and marry a younger man, but recently I’ve became attracted to older men. When I said this, that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t date a younger man in the future. It just means that I’m willing to date someone who is either older or younger than me.

            While writer Ankit Mathur may had a previous experience with dating someone who was years older than him, for writer Karley Sciortino it was a different story. For Sciortino her pervious relationship was with a guy who was a few years younger than her so when an older guy started to take notice of her, she didn’t know how to react. She published her experience on December 5^th, 2013. She had her first experience dating an older man the past winter before writing her article. The guy was a successful tech entrepreneur and he was in his late forties, making him twenty years older than her. She went on three dates with him. He made her feel comfortable because while she was with him, all her responsibilities disappeared and he took care of everything. This was unusual for her because she was used to taking care of herself and who ever she would be dating at the time. But with this man she was seeing it was a different experience. During this experience, she was able to see the benefits of dating someone who was older than her. She said that dating the older guy didn’t have anything to do with being financially stable by him, but she found that he had more knowledge about the world and was confident in himself. He was also not impressed with the use of doing drugs like people she knew around her age. Even though this was her first experience dating an older man on a serious note it wasn’t the first time she dealt with an older guy. Back in her junior high school days dating high school guys was the cool thing to do. When she entered high school dating college guys was the next big thing because they knew about the underground bands, they didn’t live with their parents, and they could get them alcohol. As she entered college and started to find herself and independence, she found that dating older guys wasn’t as cool anymore. That is when she only dated people who was very close to her age. In some ways, I can relate to Karley. I too tend to date people who are very close to my age. I never was the type of girl to date a certain type of person because it was deemed the cool thing to do but instead I dated people of my choice and type. Both of Karley Sciotino and Ankit Mathur’s stories are just some of the many examples that shows how one can become attracted to someone older without age being a real factor.

            When it comes to dating someone who is generations older or just older than you there are of course pros and cons that comes with it. Kateri Wozny who is currently dating an older man. She is a writer for Elite daily came up with a list of pros and cons that women will probably go through when dating or marrying an older guy. There are five things listed for pros. The first pro listed is that he’ll be more experienced in life. His expanded knowledge can vary from his career, relationships, skills in the bedroom, and his confidence about himself. The second pro is that he’ll be financially secure. By him being financially secure, he’ll know how to make money, how to stay on a budget, and how to prepare for retirement. The third pro for dating or marrying an older guy is that he’ll be emotionally stable. For Wozny, she found that by dating someone who is emotionally stable she is able to communicate with him whenever there is a problem within the relationship or with personal problems because he’ll be a great listener. The fifth reason is that he’ll love the idea of romance. Kateri mentioned an example of the time she went away and asked her boyfriend to take care of her apartment and every time she comes back home she find flowers on the table, chocolate or homemade gifts waiting for her. And lastly she listed that you two will look good together. This pro is more so an opinion. She mentioned that during her pervious relationship she received a lot of compliments from others. Now we have to unfortunately cover the cons of dating an older man. You know the saying, “everything good has to eventually come to an end”. Kateri listed five cons when it comes to dating or marrying an older man. The first con that is placed on the list is that he’ll be set in his ways. When it comes to dating an older man who have experienced life more in depth and have become confidence in themselves they will tend to want things his way and least likely to change. Kateri found this fact was the most challenging in all her relationships when it came to dating an older guy. The second con listed read that he’s afraid of commitment. When I read the title I found it odd. I found it odd because I never really experienced commitment issues from an older guy, I always received the complete opposite. Every time an older guy tried to build a certain type of relationship with me they usually rushed to be in a relationship without fully knowing if I was the right one for them. This is probably why I’ve always shied away from dating older guys. Back to Kateri’s list of cons, she finds it best to not rush to create a title with an older guy because he might not be ready for that type of commitment. The third con is that he’ll get compared to a father figure. I find this con ironic. I find this ironic because the popular nickname young guys and sometimes older men like being called by the person they’re in a relationship with is “daddy”, but in Kateri’s list of cons it says that older guys don’t like being considered a father figure or an old man. I find that this con only goes for guys and older men who don’t like being called daddy by their partner. The fourth con is that he’ll feel as though he has “power” in the relationship. He might find that he believes he should be able to call all the shots in the relationship because he’s older than you. Just because he’s older then you, that doesn’t mean he should call all the shots. In the article, Kateri says that both people in the relationship should equally call the shots and I one hundred agree with her because both people have something valuable to add to the relationship. Lastly, the fifth con was that he’s not going to be the life of the party. When it comes to dating an older man, he’ll want to spend most of his time in the house and less of his time outside the home. You’re going to have to try to create a balance of spending time at home and spending time outside the home. Kateri suggests that you two stay in for a couple nights by making dinner and watching a movie and doing one extreme outing during the week, even if it’s just for a bit. She also suggests that if he can’t then make it an outing with your friends.

            If you haven’t noticed that whenever I cover anything that deals with why women dates or marry an older men it is always longer than anything that deals with why men dates or marry older women. While I’m going to be the first to tell you that I have. They do say that women love to talk with a lot of detail so I guess it was the same when it comes to writing. So there shouldn’t be no surprise that on the site, Ask Men, there would be a smaller list of pros and cons for men who dates or marry older women. In the article the writer Melissa LaRicca starts off with the list of cons. In the list of cons there are three items listed. The first item listed is titled “bag lady”. When LaRicca mentions the title bag lady she is saying that older women usually carry a lot of weigh and problems from pervious relationships. That weight can be caused by a various list of things such as ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, children, financial problems, and even problems with her job. Melissa suggests that if you plan to get romantically linked with an older woman then you’re going to have to realize that an older woman generally has more to worry about than the problems you face. I can relate to both sides of this. On one side of this, I don’t just attract older guys or guys my age but I also attract guys that are younger than me and the hardest thing they could never understand was the fact that I was always busy even during my breaks from college. As I’m writing this article, I’m on my winter break and preparing to complete some more tasks before the spring semester starts. I have also have been on the other side of this as well. There would be times where I’ve found time to take a break from my activities and that would be the time where I want all the attention on me, but because the guy was just as or more busy than I was, my wish wasn’t granted all the time. The second con listed is titled Mrs. Robinson. At the first glance of the title you’re probably wondering what does being “Mrs. Robinson” means. In the description of the title it another way to say this type of relationship is taboo. This also comes into conflict with the believe that society make it seem like it is okay for an older man to date a young woman but that’s not the case the other way around. In a previous article mentioned before, the author from All Women Talk said that women who dates older men was taboo in society so which one is right? That will always be an unanswered question that needs to be answered. And the third con and a popular term that is used among a large amount of people, “The Cougar”. The term Cougar is a title given to a woman who likes to date or have sexual relations with younger men. In the article, LaRicca mentions that in this type of relationship the woman is usually in control and calls most of the shots if not all the shots in the relationship. In the same scenario where a woman dates an older man, the woman shouldn’t call all the shots and should be equally shared because both people have valuable input to include in their relationship. After covering the list of cons Melissa covers the list of pros of dating an older woman. There are three items on this list as well. The first pro is titled, “Boy Toy”. Older women who are in search for a younger man are usually women who just got out of a marriage or is not really looking for anything serious. Sometimes it can be both reasons. These type of women also just want to add some spice to their life. By dealing with an older woman, guys can learn some new skills in the bedroom and “who is no longer sexually inhibited and knows what she wants in the bedroom”, according to Melissa. With that being said, she will be more open to try new things and is not afraid to express her sexuality. The second pro listed is titled, “she’s over it”. This title means that older women are more confident than younger women since they lived long enough to work on any insecurities they once had. And lastly the third pro of dating an older woman is titled, “go for it”. Technically there were only two pros listed for men dating an older woman. In the section titled, “go for it”. Melissa advises to go through the pros and cons and you decide whether it’s worth dealing with an older woman. So I guess it’s your turn to be the judge.

            According to EliteSingles, they found that men who are around the ages of 20 and 29 are more likely to prefer dating older women when they completed a study of over 45,000 online daters that was created on their site. In a previous study made by OkCupid a few months before EliteSingles released their article, they found that an important characteristic men really wanted in women was youthfulness and women over the age of 22 was seen as less attractive to men. In their study they did not specialized the type of people who were included in these studies so we wouldn’t be able to come up with any reasons why men wouldn’t find a 23 year old woman or older more or equally attractive than a woman who is 22 and under. The OkCupid study mentioned that men are probably fearful that “aging keeps women from grappling like a rabid vampire for a woman young enough to be their daughter or granddaughter”. Well according to the recent study, that just might not be true after all. Men around the ages of 20 and 29 finds both younger and older women attractive. For men who are in their 20s, they find women who are around eleven years older than them still attractive and datable. In the same study women who prefer to date older men, the reasonable gap in age between partners remained eleven years apart. EliteSingles came up with the conclusion on why OkCupid and EliteSingles reported two different results. EliteSingles says that their results were different from one another because it has to do will society changing. When OkCupid made their study, men were most likely to date women who were younger than them. As times change women have receive more responisiblities than women had decades before. Sam Owen, who is a psychologist, says that the reason for the increase interest in older women from younger guys is because they are now noticing how older women are able to juggle a lot of responsibilities such as their career, taking care of their children, and housekeeping. Even though men will usually date women who are between eleven years younger or eleven years older; older women around the age of 50 will date an older man who is between six years. When it comes to older women dating younger men they will usually date someone who are between three years younger than themselves according to this research.

            So when it comes to people who like to date older people it seems as though there are more reasons why both women and men choose to do so than what was once believed to be. Out of all the reasons combined having someone who was mentally mature, who is financially stable, and someone who had more life experiences came on top as the main reasons why men and women found older people attractive and datable compared to people around their age and younger. It was once believed that women only dated older men because older men are successful in their career and men only dated older women for their advance sexual experiences, but as we found out in this article those are just stereotypes that doesn’t go for everyone. In the article we also covered examples of people and why they choose to date someone who is older than them. One person in particular mentioned that they wanted someone who was financially stable and she mostly found that quality with older men. Others mentioned that the person’s age had little to do with the reason why they became attracted to the person they were dating. Overall, age has little to do with why people choose or prefer to date an older person.

 

 

 

 

Multi-dating

When most people hear the term, “multi-dating”, the first question that comes into mind is, “what is multi-dating”? Once they learn that multi-dating means to date or talk to more than one person at a time, they automatically believe that you can have as many sexual relations as one wants and can feel mentally okay about it because they told themselves and others that “they are multi-dating”. But, that’s simply isn’t the case.

            Multi-dating is another form of causal dating and during the month of May and most of the month of June, I was able to do some research on this matter. I was also able to find people who were for and against the idea of multi-dating. As I was gathering my findings, I noticed that I couldn’t find any male bloggers who were against this method of dating. This shouldn’t have been all that surprising since it was common for males to date and marry more than one female during the very beginning of time. What I did find surprising was the amount of female bloggers who spoke about this topic. There were mixed views from female bloggers about multi-dating. While there may have not been any male bloggers that were against multi-dating found, there were a lot of male commenters on a fellow blogger’s post who were against it. This fellow blogger will also be mentioned in this post as well. All the male bloggers that are included in this post were in agreement that multi-dating was the best way to find a serious relationship. Most even were in agreement that women should also practice this method as well.

Most fail to realize that many who would or do frown on the idea of multi-dating start off by talking to one person, trying to figure out and if they are a good a fit for them (relationship wise). But during this process of figuring one person out, you might eventually start talking to more people and try to figure them out as well. And that was the case for the author of the post, “Dating Multiple People (and Why You Should Be Doing It)”, when this blogger started online dating he was only dating one girl at a time because he didn’t want to seem “insincere” but as time went on he ended up talking to multiple girls at once; which according to him was accidental.

After eight months of online dating, the feeling the author once had about talking to more than one girl at a time disappeared. He then felt that dating and talking to more than one person at a time was now the best way to date in our modern world. He even gave his six reasons why with his explanations on “why to date multiple people at once”.

For this unknown blogger’s first reason for multi-dating was that he was able to understand the type of woman he wanted and the type of woman he was willing to accept. As he went on more and more dates in a short period of time, he realized that the type of woman he wanted and the type of woman he was willing to accept were two very different type of people. When he was only seeing one woman per month, he would see characteristics in his potentials that he really didn’t like, such as being negative or rude, he would continue to see her in hopes that things would turn out better because he didn’t want to have to start over with somebody new. Once he started meeting more women it became easier for him to remove the women who didn’t fit him (relationship wise). He was now able to become honest with himself when it came to what he was looking for as his potential long-term girlfriend.

For his second reason for being pro multi-dating was that he was able to gain great comfort by seeing more than one person. He began to have more fun on dates. The usual awkwardness and confusion most have during first dates started disappearing and he started having more fun on his dates. The point in dating is supposed to be fun, isn’t it? Yes, it should be.

The unknown blogger’s third reason for multi-dating is that is that you’ll have less stress. He says this because he no longer felt pressured to make every date he went on prefect because there were always another date for him to go on if one of his potentials didn’t work out. He also states that, “failure became a part of dating, neither good nor bad; just apart that has to be accepted”. Which in all means to not try too hard to win over your date and if the date don’t go well, don’t beat yourself up over it because rejection is a part of life.

Since increasing his number of dates, he was not only able to create comfort among himself and lower his stress, but he was also able to create better first impressions overtime with practice. When the unknown author was talking to one woman per month, he would stress over the impression he wanted to portray to his love interests.  He was also able to learn what he should and should not do during a first date so he wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes again. He also started having more fun and less stress.

For the fifth reason the unknown blogger supports multi-dating is because he believes that it improves a better chance in finding the one. He also believes that by continuing to date the traditional way; which is dating one person at a time, this can take you years to find that special someone. He explains that by going on as many dates as possible, your chances of meeting that special someone increases.

Lastly, this unknown blogger believes that it is best to multi-date because you’ll get your money worth spending while online dating. When it comes to online dating from a dating site, you have to pay a fee per month after signing up. This blogger states that if you’re going to pay a fee to meet people per month then you should meet more than one person to take on a date per month because you still pay the same fee per month when you are only meeting one person at a time.

While it seems as though all the male bloggers where in agreement when it came to multi-dating, the female bloggers expressed mixed views. Both female bloggers, Tessah Schoenrock and dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan agreed that dating more than one person is a great and might even be a better way to finding the one, whereas Natalie, who is another female blogger who believes that multi-dating only cause complications when it comes to finding a great relationship.

Both Tessah Schoenrock and Ronnie Ann Ryan may agree about why it is a good idea to multi-date and even participated in this style of causal dating, but the tips and outcomes gathered from their experiences are very different from one another. For blogger and dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan, she believed that the secret to finding love and commitment is by not committing to a relationship too soon and this is what she constantly tell her clients. Many of her clients have asked her if dating more than one man at a time was a good idea and of course she said it was since it helped her find her current husband.

Before she met her husband she dated thirty men in fifteen months. In her perspective, dating is where you only go on four to ten dates with each person. Once you have an unspoken date on Saturday night (you both just already know you’ll have plans with each other)”. This is where she consider being in the first stage of a relationship. Ryan says, “Until you’re in an exclusive relationship where this status has been discussed and agreed on, you are free to seek out other partners”. She also believes that a few dates with a guy is not considered a relationship.

Ronnie states that most women who date one person at a time usually catch feelings towards that person too quickly and in exchange they become too attached to be able to see other people. She also states that heartbreak happens when you think you’ve found “the one” after two dates, and then he stop all communications with you. This is the main reason why she supports multi-dating. Her reasons why it’s smart to date more than one guy at a time to find lasting love is that it keeps the idea of dating fun and exciting, it’s an effective way to find the right mate, it’s a smart way to boost your confidence and improve your dating skills, it keeps you from focusing on just one person before it’s appropriate to do so, and it prevents you from being overly available, which can also make you more attractive towards your potentials.

When Ryan met her husband, Paul, she was dating Geoff. She thought Geoff was a really nice guy and was enjoying getting to know him. She met Paul during a blind date his sister set up. She dated both, Geoff and Paul for five weeks until she was able to see which man was a better match for her. Even though she liked Geoff a lot, Paul was a better match for her. They got married in May of 2000 and are still together today.

While dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan’s advice about the idea of multi-dating have seemed to have shown clear evidence that multi-dating helped her with reaching her goal to get married, blogger Tessah Schoenrock’s advice is very different from hers. Schoenrock was a newly twenty- six year old who was tired of playing the waiting game when it came to dating. She believed that dating and talking to more than one person would help her find a future long- term partner instead of dating the traditional way. By dating the traditional way she believed that she could miss her chance in finding the one that could be truly right for her (relationship wise). Tessah Schoenrock has been practicing this style of causal dating for six months when she created these dos and don’ts when it comes to multi-dating for her followers who are interested in this method of dating.

For Schoenrock’s first do is to date multiple people. She states that if you are single then there is nothing wrong with seeing more than one person at the same time. In this statement she is in much agreement with bloggers Ronnie Ann Ryan and the unknown blogger from the post, “Dating Multiple People (and Why You Should Be Doing It)”; they both thought that there shouldn’t be any shame for dating and talking to multiple people. For her second do is to attempt to get to know your potentials rather than just sleeping around with them. Tessah says that dating more than one person is one thing, but sleeping with more than one person is not the same thing. If you just want to sleep around then you should remain honest with your potentials and tell them that sex is what you’re interested in, but if you are truly looking for a serious relationship and want to try multi-dating then it is best to get know your potentials first before you start any level of intimate acts with them. During this time as you are getting to know your potentials it would also be a good time to tell them your limits are and how far you’re willing to go when it comes to showing affection. You can also mention to them what they have to look forward to when you finally decide on who you want to date exclusively.

Both Ronnie and the unknown author would be in total agreement with Tessah on this tip as well with her first tip, but one tip that wasn’t included in their post was the use of condoms. This tip goes hand and hand with the tip before this one when it comes to the use of condoms. She believes that if you so happen to become intimate with any of your potentials while still in the phrase of multi-dating then make sure you use protection especially female and male condoms. With the use of condoms and other protection in can lower your risk of unwanted pregnancies and risk of any forms of STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections). For Schoenrock’s next tip would be to clean up your tracks. This is another tip that wouldn’t be found in neither of the unknown blogger or Ronnie’s posts. When Tessah says to clean up your tracks, she is saying not to tell your potentials that you are seeing other people while you are also seeing them because many of your potentials will feel a certain type of way about knowing that they are sharing your attention with other people. I personally disagree with this tip because this will create the first lie in any future relationship you will have with one of your potentials. I wouldn’t say to tell them all the details or tell them who the other people are, but you should be honest from the start and let them know that they aren’t the only person you are talking or dating. It would also be helpful to tell them why you chose to casually date instead of regular dating. I believe that Ronnie and the unknown author would be in total agreement with me on this tip. For Tessah’s last tips for her dos is to be honest. This tip kind of clashes with her tip before this one. I say this because first she said to clean your tracks when it comes to your potentials, but now she’s telling you to be honest with them about seeing other people.

Tessah Schoenrock not only created a list of tips on the things you should do while dating more than one person, but she also created a list of tips on the things you shouldn’t do while multi-dating as well. For her first tip is to not feel guilty. She says that if you are upfront and not secretive about your actions then there shouldn’t be any reason to be guilty. This is where being honest with everyone you date becomes important. Her second tip would be to not develop any feelings towards your potentials. This tip would be very much be in agreement with blogger and dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan. Both bloggers believe that it is best to date your potentials only a certain number of times where you find out if they are a good fit for you (relationship wise), but not too many times where you  start feeling really attached to them. For Tessah’s third tip she states that you shouldn’t kiss and tell to any of your potentials about your other potentials. This is common courtesy and shows your potentials the level of respect that you have for them.

In Schoenrock’s list of don’t it would include the tip to never overbook your dates. Both bloggers, Ronnie and the unknown author would be in agreement with fellow blogger Tessah. All three bloggers would agree to go on as many dates as possible, but not to the point where your dates clashes with one another. And lastly for Tessah’s final tip which would be to not assume you’re the only one participating in multi-dating. While you have the agenda to find the type of relationship that fits your needs and wants, your potentials maybe trying to reach the same goals when it comes to finding their ideal relationship. But, if you can’t handle knowing that you might not be the only person they are talking to or knowing that they too are casually dating you then multi-dating may not be the best style of dating for you.

Now that we reviewed three bloggers who were in agreement about participating in multi-dating and have participated in this style of dating as well, we now will review a blogger and commenters who wasn’t for it. This blogger goes by the name Natalie. She is the creator of the post, “Understanding Why Dating Several People at a Time is Messy & a Sign of Your Emotional Unavailability& Commitment Resistance. This blogger believes that multi-dating is a trap and makes things complicated when it comes to finding a great relationship.

Even though she don’t believe in dating multiple people, she reached out to people who did and collected their reasons. Out of the responses she received from her followers there were five top responses she received from them; which was that they were just experimenting with dating, they were not ready to start properly dating, they liked the attention they received from all the people they were dating, they was trying those guys for size, and that they didn’t want to get into a relationship too quickly. A couple weeks before writing this post, Natalie made a post on “Why dating is a discovery phrase for fact finding”, in that post she states that the point in dating people who you see potential relationships in so you can eventually end connections with people that don’t fit your wants and needs to be able to find the person that does. She also stated in the post that people date for many reasons. Those reasons can be one of the following: Because they are genuinely looking for a relationship, To pass time, To get laid and they pretend that they want more so that they don’t endanger the possibility of getting laid, They are afraid to be alone, They want to see what’s out there, They date a lot of people to increase their number of exs or partners but don’t plan to get close to anyone, and lastly even though they claim to want a relationship they are afraid of commitment and have no true genuine desire to get into a committed relationship. In most cases people can have a combination of two or more of these reasons why they date certain people; but how can you be so sure that the person you feel to have the potential to become more than a friendship wants to date you for the same reasons you want to date them? Most would say that if both parties remain honest about their wants and needs then there won’t be a problem nor confusion. But unfortunately that’s easily said than done. How many times were you strictly honest with the people you saw a potential in? If you’re like me, probably not as honest as you aimed to be in pervious and present relations. And that is okay. We all are growing and changing mentally and physically; which usually happens when it comes to growing up. As we grow mentally, we tend to date or want different type of people that we previously dated. Back to the article in discussion which is the post on, “Understanding Why Dating Several People at a Time is Messy& a Sign of Your Emotional Unavailability& Commitment Resistance,” Natalie states with in agreement to mines that regardless of what your potentials tell you don’t just go off on what they say out their mouths but to observe them through their actions.

But what if you are truly looking for a real long-term relationship then maybe multi-dating can be the best thing for you. By dating or talking to more than one person, you are able to get rid of the people who once said they wanted the same thing as you, but once time went on their actions were completely off. You can then spend more time with the people who you see yourself being in a relationship with. You can also learn more about yourself and learn what your wants and needs are as you meet new potentials.

In her article, Natalie writes that “multiple dating makes dating messier even though the people that do it often think it makes it easier because it keeps them out of a relationship, let’s them check out lots of options at once instead of doing one person at a time, but it can also be a protective measure for ensuring that you don’t get close enough to anyone”. I can understand where Natalie is coming from when she made that statement. The statement she made is true for some, but it is not true to all who is in agreement with participating in multi-dating. The type of people the author is mostly focusing on are the people who mainly talk to more than one person so they can meet as many people as they want without having to finally commit to only one person. Those type of people can and will make dating messy and complicated, but people like myself and the other fellow bloggers mentioned in this post don’t view multi-dating in that way. By talking or dating more than one person at a time, you are able to eliminate the type of people that does not fulfill your needs or your wants quicker than you would if you were dating one person at a time. In her post, Natalie also said that dating multiple people is just a code term for the following phrases: Keeping your options open, Being afraid of commitment because you’re afraid of getting hurt, and keeping your attention meter ticking over. Again I can see and agree with Natalie to some degree on her points when it comes to her views on multi-dating and how it can cause more problems than good, but as stated before not all participants who participate in this form of dating are not dating more than one person to avoid commitment. Some do search for real relationships such as both bloggers Schoenrock and the unknown writer did.

Blogger Natalie may be the very few bloggers who found that the idea of multi-dating was a way to avoid committing to a serious relationship with anyone and that it can create complications when it comes to dating, but many commenters on Tessah Schoenrock’s post shared similar views. There were mostly males who expressed disgust for her choice to multi-date. One of her commenters, Journey Silius, considered Schoenrock to be lost on the type of person she is looking for after reading her post on the topic and from a previous post she made about meeting the wrong type of guys. In my opinion, I found that Tessah Schoenrock meant well when she created her post, but it seemed as though she lacked research on the matter. If only if Schoenrock took more time to complete her research her post would have been more convincing to her audience. Even though her post seemed to be quickly driven I found that some of her advice can be very helpful to others as I mentioned before with her tips.

To conclude, multi-dating is a form of causal dating where you talk or date more than one person at a time. By seeing more than one person at a time, you can increase your chances of finding the perfect mate for you. Blogger and dating Coach Ronnie Ann Ryan was able to successfully find her current husband though the use of this style of dating. As mentioned in this post, there were mixed views from both males and females over the topic, but with the examples and experiences that these fellow bloggers received during their time of participating in this method of dating they were able to gather tips and advice to their followers. They hoped to better define and explain the process to others who may also be interested in trying this style of dating in the future or just wanted to receive a clearer understanding in this type of dating.

Is being faithful in a committed relationship hard to do in the 21st century?

When it comes to today’s dating scene, it seems as though the more we connect with others in many forms of technology the more we disconnect with many who are close to us. The improvement of technology has created a real impact on today’s dating world and a lot of people question whether it’s possible to be faithful to one person in a committed relationship in the 21^st century.

            According to Merrian-webster.com the definition of faithful is to have or to show true and constant support or loyalty. The term can also mean to not have sex with someone who is not your wife, husband, girlfriend, or boyfriend. The site also defined the term commitment as a promise to do or give something; to be loyal to someone or something; and is the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or support something. Now that we covered the definitions for the terms faithful and commitment we can focus on how faithfulness and commitment plays important roles in a committed relationship.

            When it comes to being in a relationship it starts off with the self. The way you grew up, the culture you tie your identity too, and the people in your environment can and will affect the way you interpret how a committed relationship is supposed to be. With these three factors alone it’s very possible that whoever you see potential in is likely to have a different interpretation of a committed relationship from yours. This is why it’s very important to be open with each other in the very beginning of a relationship and express what it means to be monogamous. Nicole McCance, who is a Couples’ Therapist, would agree with my statement. On her blog, she mentions how we usually assume that we share the same beliefs and guidelines with others when it comes to committed relationships, but in reality we usually do not. She also states that we assume that we share similar ideas of what cheating is and assume that our partners would agree to what is acceptable behavior when that is not usually the case. McCance encourages couples to have a conversation where they discuss boundaries they’ll have with one another. Boundaries can consist on the level of closeness one can become with another person while in a committed relationship. For one person, they can feel as though it’s okay to have friends of the opposite sex or even friends who can possibly be attracted to you, whereas the other person can find that to be a form of cheating because they believe they can get cheated on by one of those people who’s considered your friend.

            When it comes to boundaries, another blogger expressed having more conservative views towards her current relationship. She finds it disrespectful in a committed relationship to not only participate in any sexual acts outside of the relationship, but also fantasizing about it with another person that is not your partner. I understand where this blogger is coming from, but I found it unrealistic to believe you never fantasized about another person at least once while in a committed relationship. Most people have a favorite celebrity that they dream about, but that doesn’t mean that if given the chance they would cheat on their partner to be with them. I hold the same belief when it comes to fantasizing about a more realistic person. These examples alone shows how one person’s interpretation of cheating can differ from another’s interpretation. By knowing this, it confirms McCance belief that couple’s should have a discussion on boundaries and their definitions of what is considered cheating before deciding to be in a committed relationship.

            When you and your partner are both faithful and committed to each other in a committed relationship, you both can receive several types of benefits from one another. Those benefits can range from having an equal support system to having someone to explore new experiences with. Author and celebrity life coach, Tony A. Gaskin Jr. came up with “ten benefits of faithfulness” on Huffingtonpost.com. He wrote his post based on his personal experiences. Gaskin Jr. mentioned how he grew up not knowing any males who were faithful to women. Since he grew up in that type of environment, unfortunately he became that same type of person when he started dating. As he got older and entered college, he knew a change needed to be made so he could be a part of that one percent of men who were one hundred percent faithful to their partner. When Tony met his wife he stayed committed to his promise to stay faithful to her and only her. As a result of staying true to his word, he gained ten benefits from it. Those benefits for him were: a peace beyond his understanding, chronic happiness, an uncontrollable sense of pride, a strong confidence, love that feels like a fairy tale, a secure woman by his side, a drama-free love life, a real connection with one human being, and unexplainable and uncontainable success.

            Being in a committed relationship where both people are faithful and committed to each other can create many benefits as Tony Gaskin mentioned in his post, but what is the downside of being the faithful and the committed one in the relationship? When the level of commitment in the relationship is unequal, a lot of problems can arise mentally and physically within the relationship. People who are in unfaithful relationships usually become miserable and can even feel used by their partner. Another thing that usually happens in this type of relationship is that the faithful person in the relationship don’t usually get out of the relationship as soon as they find out that their partner weren’t as committed. They can also believe that they were the reason why their partner stepped out on them when in most cases that wasn’t the reason at all. Depending on the length of the relationship can determine how long the faithful person will stay until they feel they have had enough of their partner’s unfaithfulness.

            Now we get to the question, is it harder to be faithful in a committed relationship in the 21^st century than it was for the people dating in the 20^th century. The 20^th century was between the years 1901 and 2000. The term “dating” became popular in the early 1900s during this time, birth control was invented and was introduced to the public. Since the invention of birth control decreased the chances of unwanted pregnancy people didn’t feel the need to limit their number of partners to date and have sexual relationships with. This was also the start of having friends with benefits. Anthropologist, Margaret Mead, described this new trend “dating” as a per-war dating system in the late 1940s. She also argued that dating had nothing to do with sex nor marriage. Instead she said it was a way for girls and boys to increase their popularity.

            According to cultural historian Beth Bailey the terms “date” and “dating” was used as a slang among the lower- class. The lower- class would use this term when they were booking an appointment with a prostitute. The term started to become popular among the middle and upper classes.

            By the late 1940s and entering the early 1950s, the population of women were outnumbering men. World War II had just ended and it was an exclamation that around 250,000 men did not return from the war which meant there was a large population of women who would be without a husband. When the New York Times and other media sources reported these facts, the marriage rate increased dramatically. Bailey stated that by the core of the 1950s, the youth generation of that time considered the “dating culture” as another way of saying “going steady”. Going steady meant that this population wasn’t going to rush to get married as the previous generations. Now that we had a glimpse of the dating scene for the 20^th century we’ll investigate how much has changed since then and what the dating scene looks like now in the 21^st century.

            When the term dating was introduced in the 20^th century it was a way to express freedom and to explore options; whereas in the 21^st century most people participating in the dating scene date in confusion. Many people especially people in their early adolescents through their early thirties date people without knowing the direction they plan to go together as a couple. This is where having good communication skills becomes very important to have with your partner. Not only are they confused about the direction they are going within their relationship, but they question whether they should date one person or date several people at a time. In my last post I focused on the term, “multi-dating” which means to date more than one person at a time. As I mentioned on my post, “Multi-dating has become a popular way to find the one in the past decade. To add to this new trend, there are new ways to interact with others from all over the world through various forms of technology and social medias has caused more problems for people trying to commit to one person when they had decided to no longer just date, but to be in a monogamous relationship. The top factor that causes this complication is the fact that there are many ways to meet others that can become a potential partner if the current partner mess up or does not excite them anymore.

            The modern ways to meet new potentials are: speed dating, online dating, dating apps, hooking up (one night stands), virtual dating, and hooking up television shows. Speed dating is where an equal number of single men and women sit across from each other. They then get to know each person for a minute or less before having to meet another person. Once everyone gets to meet each potential they get a sheet and write down who they would be interested in going on a real date with. If the people who you wanted to see you again agrees then you’ll have possible dates to go on in the future. When it comes to online dating sites, there are various types of sites for all. There are sites for people who are looking for someone who shares the same religion, people who wants to date a particular race, people who shares the same religion, people who wants to date a particular race, people who shares the same sexuality, and people who looks for potentials who are of a certain age. With these sites, you have to pay a monthly fee to become a member of the site. When you become a member of the site you now have to advertise yourself to potentials through pictures, a biography, and mention the type of person and relationship you are looking to have with another person. Then you just hope for the best. Dating apps are dating programs that you can download on your phone, tablet, or other mobile devices. This method of dating is mostly popular with teenagers and people who are in their twenties. Unlike dating sites, dating apps are free to join as a member. The thing that both dating apps and dating sites have in common is the process to advertise yourself to find potential partners. The dating style hooking up (one night stands) is the least serious out of all the options to finding potentials. People usually are not looking for a long term relationship with these people.  The popular places people find these type of relationships are at parties, bars, clubs, and even on vacations. Lastly, the other type of relationships are virtual dating. Virtual dating is where people play games online and enter chat groups. Out of all the choices, I find speed dating least effective because you can’t hold a real conversation with a stranger within a minute so you usually go off by their physical appearance to determine whether you want to go on a date with them. The method I find that works the best would be online dating sites because everyone who joins the site has to pay a monthly fee so when I comes to spending money to meet someone, you usually will take the goal of meeting somebody seriously and not try to hook up with the person.
            After finding that potential person and you both decide to commit to one another everything starts off nice in the beginning. This is called the honeymoon phrase. During this stage in the relationship everything seems to be going well and there are usually no fights, arguments, and disagreements taking place. This stage of dating usually lasts only about three months. After three months, that’s when reality hits. Both people try to do individual tasks while still trying to commit to the relationship you both decided to get into.  This is where the fights, arguments, and disagreements take place. I consider these tests on whether you make it out as a strong couple or you end up breaking up and starting the whole dating cycle over again. When it comes to these tests, feeling as though you could have found better or willing to step out of the commitment you made with you partner will be one of those tests.

            There are many factors on why men and women cheat on their partners when they are in a committed relationship. For women, there are usually three reasons why they cheat according to family counselor and relationship expert M. Gary Neuman’s research. In their research they found that not being emotionally satisfied, not being sexually satisfied, and not being able to spend enough alone time with their partner as being the top reasons; whereas for men’s reasons for cheating in a committed relationship had ten reasons. According to Robert Weiss on the on the psychologytoday.com found that the ten reasons why men cheat in a committed relationship were that he was a lair and he never wanted to be in a monogamous relationship, he was insecure within himself, he was immature and wasn’t mentally ready to be in that type of relationship, he has a bad pass that has left him damaged, he had unrealistic expectations on the person and the relationship, he became bored with the relationship and wants a new excitement, he rushed things in the relationship before its time, he has an addiction (alcohol, drugs, sex, etc) that caused him the ability to not process his actions, he wanted the relationship to end but was either afraid to be single or didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings, and the final reason could be that he wasn’t able to spend quality time with his male friends and peers. There were two individual lists of reasons why men and women cheat or step outside their committed relationships, but I personally know that all those reasons listed can go for both men and women.

            If the following reasons listed above are one or more of the reasons  why your past or current relationships hasn’t been working out, it is possible to learn how to commit to a monogamous relationship. On Elite Daily, they created eight ways to become faithful and committed to one person in a relationship. The first way listed is to accept the fact that you will always find other people attractive. By realizing that there will always be someone more attractive than your partner, the sooner you’ll be content with the person you already have. The second way is by knowing that most people are bad in bed (if you know what I mean). When the author of this post makes this statement, he is not talking about the things the other person can do to you or with you sexually but when it comes to having sexual relations with a stranger vs.  a person you have an intimate relationship with the person you have an intimate relationship with will always be better. If you or your partner is not being sexually satisfied then I suggest going to a sex store and communicating with your partner your sexual fantasies. If this makes you uncomfortable to imagine yourself doing then I suggest you to start off small and to find new things online you both can try. From there you can start trying other things that’ll increase the sexual passion. The third way to become faithful and committed to a monogamous relationship is by understanding why you love the person you are currently with and how you would feel if you lost that person because you decided to not be as committed to the relationship. The fourth way is to make sure you don’t get “caught up” in any situations that you’ll soon regret later. That being said make sure you think about both the good and the bad consequences that can take place if you decide to do something your partner probably wouldn’t like. The fifth way listed to help you to become faithful is by masturbating. This may seem cliché, but this can be very helpful for both men and women. Let’s be honest, we all had times when we became sexually aroused or the most used term “horny” and didn’t have anyone to participate in such activities with at the time or your partner wasn’t anywhere to be found when this happens. This is where you become very tempted to contact someone who can be easily reached to help you get rid of those sexual feelings. But, would it be worth it in the long run? If you truly love your partner then it won’t be worth it at all.  So by just pleasuring yourself, you are able to get rid of those sexual feelings without having to step out your relationship to do so. For the sixth way and one I find important to do to stay faithful to your partner is by never stopping to try to impress your partner. When it comes to your relationship it’s both yours and your partner’s responsibility to keep the passion alive. Without passion all the romance leaves the relationship and just becomes a friendship. Once that happens the relationship goes downhill from there. You know the saying, what you won’t do another person will, keep that in mind next time you think you’ve done enough for your mate. And lastly the final way is to, “just don’t do it”. By thinking and reviewing the positive and negative consequences that can take place by stepping outside your commitment with your partner you will come to a conclusion on whether it’s worth doing so.

            In the 20^th century, is where the terms “date” and “dating became popular. People in that time considered dating as a way to express their freedom and to gain popularity among their community. Around the 1950s, dating became a way to explore options before making the final decision to get married. As we entered the 21^st century, dating has become more complicated because most people get into relationships without knowing what the future holds for them. This is where communicating boundaries and definitions of cheating becomes important. Various types of methods to find potentials gives people more options to find potential partners, but also a false sense that they have endless options to choose from. Since the start of the trend, "Multi-dating", many are in constant debate amongst themselves when it comes to dating one person or several people at a time. With mentioned ways there is hope to be able to be both faithful and committed to one person in a committed relationship.