When it comes to dating, for some people age is an important factor when it
comes to choosing potential partners. For others, age may not be an important
factor but age can affect your dating life greatly. In this article the main
focus will be people who dates or prefer people who are older than them. I will
cover the pros and cons of dating someone who is older than your senior. I will
also include a few examples of people who explains their reasons why they
prefer to date people who are older than them.
If someone would have told
me a year ago that I would soon become one of those people who are attracted to
older men, I wouldn’t have believed them at all. In the previous year, I was
determined to grow up to become a cougar and marry a younger man. As I started
experiencing life more, my interest in younger men have decreased dramatically
and my interest in older men have rose greatly. Not only have my interest in
older men become very present but I’ve found that I’ve been attracting a lot of
older men lately. And I’m starting to like the interactions I’m having with
them.
As a young woman saying
that she’s interested in older men have already created many stereotypes for
myself.
Many people believe that young
women only want an older man because they’ll have someone who can take care of
them financially or that they’ll be considered mature because they were able to
attract someone who were much older than them. I’m going to first say that
these two stereotypes are sometimes true, but in most cases they are not.
According to Heather Jensen, who is a blogger for the site “All Women Talk”,
she believes that there are twenty-one reasons why women date older men. The
first reason she listed was that older men are more established. Of course
being more established would be the first reason to be listed since it’s the
main stereotype most young women who date older men receive from outsiders. The
second reason why women dates older men is for his intelligence. When it comes
to older men they tend to have more educational thoughts and conversations than
when it comes to trying to have similar conversations with younger men in most
cases. The third reason is that older men are well- read. If you are the type
of woman who loves herself a good book and would like a man who shares the same
type of appreciation for books, older men are more likely to share that with
you. Heather’s fourth reason is that he is more likely to have a career. This
reason goes back to the first reason; which is to find someone who can take
care of you finically. Even though her statement holds some truth, she does
exaggerates that “older guys can be anything from CEO’s of great companies or
they can be on the fast track to VP(vice president)”. In some cases this
statement holds truth, but because of the way the economy is structured today
it’s unlikely that every older man you date will be completely financially
stabled as it probably was a century ago. The fifth reason is that older men
have great manners. Who doesn’t like a guy who has manners? The next reason
listed is that he won’t change you. This means that the older guy you date is
least likely to try to hold much control over you and is willing to take you as
the person you are. The seventh reason for a young woman to date an older man
is to having more sexual experiences than she already has. Who doesn’t like
keeping things interesting in the bedroom? I don’t know about you, but I sure
do, so why not have someone who can teach you some new tricks. You just might
surprise them and show them some tricks of your own. The eighth reason is that
he has his own place. This is another reason of Heather’s that I found was
overly exaggerated. In today’s reality, most men and even women won’t be
financially ready to move out of their parents’ home until the age of thirty or
older. Heather’s ninth reason is that the thought of a young woman dating an
older man is taboo. That being said it means that society has deemed it
unacceptable to do or to have take place. The tenth reason is that older men
are more mature than younger men. The eleventh reason goes a long with the
tenth reason. That reason is that older men are done playing the field. In many
cases, at a certain time of a man’s life he starts to realize that it’s enough
with the games and it’s now time to settle down and start a family. This
usually takes place once he enters his middle to late twenties. The twelfth
reason would be that older men are better communicators than younger men. Since
good communication skills are very important to have when it comes to a
successful and a fulfilling relationship then having an older man can be very
rewarding to have. The thirteenth reason is that opposites attract. This
statement is very true for more than just age differences. The fourteenth
reason is the belief that the older the man gets the more attractive he
becomes. This statement can hold true when it comes to a man mentally, but not
all the time when it comes to the physical appearance. The fifteenth reason is
the same as the fifth reason, which is that older men are more chivalrous.
Being chivalrous is another way to say having manners. The sixteenth reason is
that by dating an older man you’ll feel young. The fact that you’re dating
someone older, you’re going to be and feel younger then him regardless of your
initial age. It seems as though Heather broke down the reasons why young women
date older men in a repeated fashion because in the seventeenth reason she puts
that you won’t have to pay. This reason as well fits under the reason of being
taken cared of finically. The eighteenth reason is that young women find that
attracting an older man is a challenge that they want to win. The nineteenth reason
for a young woman to want an older man is because he’ll be able to give her
protection. Just knowing that he is wise enough to make smart decisions and
choices when it comes to a dangerous situation can make you feel well protected
and safe in any life-threatening situation. The twentieth reason is that it’ll
be a change for her if she’s used to dating men who are around her age or
younger. If dating younger men hasn’t gave you the results you’ve been
searching for in your previous relationships then making this change can’t be
too bad to make. At least giving it a try shows you’re openness to change. And
finally we have reached the last reason on Heather’s list is that she just
loves him and age was never a factor in dating him. This is one of the more
common reasons for a young women to date an older man.
Now that we’ve covered
Heather’s reason why young women date men who are older than them, we will now
cover Andrew Moore reasons why younger men like to date older women. Just for
women who dates older men there is a stereotype for men who dates older women.
The stereotype is that younger men only date older women for her advanced
sexual experience. This stereotype can hold some truth in most cases, but
that’s not the only reason why younger men dates older women. On the site Ask
Men, the blogger Andrew Moore came up with ten top reasons why young men date
older women. Moore starts off his list with the tenth reason. The tenth reason
listed was that older women are independent. Moore mentions that older women
love their independence and that they are “typically more” comfortable being
alone. Unlike younger women, older women wouldn’t be as clingy or needy towards
their partner. The ninth reason listed was that older women are assertive. In
this statement, Andrew is saying that older women are able to express their
feelings better than younger women and are least likely to continue to play the
field (playing hard to get). The eighth reason why young men date older women is
because they can offer them a good conversation. This is simpler to the reason
why younger women date older men, they are able to speak on various topics
since they’re experienced more in life than younger people. The seventh reason
is that older women have more money. By dating an older woman who earns her own
money, the younger guy don’t have to worry too much on giving her money all the
time. The fifth reason is more of an opinion but Moore states that older women
make better dates. He says this because he finds that older women have more
sophisticated tastes and likes to go a lot of grown up activities; whereas he
feels as though younger women are mostly interested in “getting stupid drunk
and passing out in a public washroom”. For his fourth reason listed was that
older women are less drama-phone. When Andrew makes this statement he is saying
that older women have a more mature group of friends and does not try to be a
part of any activities that can lead to drama. For Andrew’s third reason why
younger men dates older women is because older women have more sexual
experience. This reason is the biggest known stereotype for men who dates older
women. This stereotype can be a reason why a younger would date an older woman,
but usually it’s not the only reason. The second reason is that older women
have more relationship experience than younger women. Moore says that older
women know how to handle the trials and tribulations associated with
relationships because they’ve been through it all before. And lastly, the
number one reason why younger men dates older women is because they will value
your time together. Andrew feels as though older women are more appreciative of
the time you spend together and they aren’t likely to be reckless with your
emotions; whereas younger women often don’t take men, relationships, or life in
general seriously.
Now that we’ve covered both
Moore and Heather’s reasons why younger people date older people I’m going to
break down the reasons even further and add more realistic scenarios why dating
someone older may be a better option for you or someone you know who prefers to
date older people. When we first see a couple who are obviously generations
apart we always imagine that it’s for the reasons Jahmil “Jae” Eady prefers
dating older men. Jahmil Eady is a 26 year old African American woman who goes
by the name Jae as one of the women featured on the show, “#BlackLove”, which
is on the television station
For Your
Information (FYI). On the show, she was set up on a blind-date and finds
out that the guy was younger than her. When she found out his age she mentioned
that it made her feel uncomfortable. On the date she learned that the guy was
younger than her by a year and that he liked to play video games and was an
Entrepreneur. He said that he chose the path of being an Entrepreneur because
he didn’t like wearing suits and didn’t want a 9 to 5 job. He never mentioned
the career. He was everything she wasn’t used to when dating a man. In her
dating background she always preferred older guys. The guy she was currently
seeing pervious to the show is in his forties. The guys she is used to dating
were established, liked fancy things, and liked to be dressed in suits. In the
first episode of the show, she tended to date older guys because she wanted
someone who was already established in their career. Even though she dates mostly
older men, she once dated someone who was younger than herself. She said that
the relationship went horribly wrong. This is when she made up her mind that
dating older men was the only way to find someone who had all the qualities she
wanted in a man. Her upbringing played a huge role in her dating preference.
When she was growing up in New York she was around a lot of poverty. That is
why she found it important for her to have financial stability in her
relationships. Jae shows the perfect stereotype of younger women who prefers to
date older men, but as we already covered that’s not the only reason why women
date older men. On the site, Madame Noire, the blogger Kschlicher does in depth
on why women are attracted to older men with seven reasons. In the reasons it
should have been expected that they crave to have someone who can provide them
with financial stability. As Jae mentioned on the show by dating a financially
stabled man she will be able to live in a more secure and comfortable space.
For Kschlicher’s second reason was that she lacks a father figure. When I first
read this reason I thought this was a crazy thought to believe but as I read
his reasoning it all started to make sense. Kschlicher states that older men
have paternal instincts and may pamper his spouse more than a younger man. When
he states this he is saying the older the man gets his instincts to protect and
to be able to provide becomes second nature to him. Another thing he stated
about this reason is that some women who didn’t have a stable male figure
growing up so she’s searching for a partner who can be that role for her. For
those women looking for a father figure when they realize that they don’t need
to continue to look for a father figure they will start to look for a mate. The
third reason why women are attracted to older men is because of their maturity.
This reason I can greatly agree with and may be the main reason why I’ve became
attracted to older men lately and less interested in younger men. In
Kschlicher’s statement, he mentions that older men have generally been through
a lot of ups and downs in their lives and because of those experiences they
become more mature than their younger male counterparts when it comes to both
relationships and life in general. The fourth reason is that children aren’t
their number priority to have. This reason alone is why I was determined to
find a man who was around my age or younger because I don’t want to be the only
active parent in the household but for the women who don’t see themselves
having kids, by having an older man as a partner may be the perfect fit for
them. In most cases those older men may have already had children from previous
relationships and don’t plan on having any more children. The fifth reason
listed was that those type of women attracted to older guys were afraid of
being cheated on. I can understand where this thought came from knowing that
older men should be done playing the field and have matured mentally to want to
start a family, but not all older men are like that. There are older men who
believes they are still too young to be in a committed relationship regardless
of their physical age. The sixth reason reads “You’re a tad bit lazy”. When I
read the title, I reread it again with a side-eye but after reading what the
blogger meant I started to understand. What Kschlicher meant by “you’re a tad
bit lazy”, he is saying that those younger women who are not really looking for
an energetic guy in the bedroom then by having an older guy won’t be a problem.
It will only be a problem if you are looking for that type of energy from your
man. And the seventh reason why young women may be attracted to an older man is
because older guys are more willing to show chivalry to women. The term
chivalry is not a popular term used in today’s dating scene because it seems as
though young men wasn’t taught how to treat women taught how to treat women and
since women have been taught to become independent, they don’t know when they
should let the man lead and take charge. Even though these reasons focused on
why young women are or become attracted to older men, I find that these same
reasons apply to young men who are or becomes attracted to older women too.
When it comes to someone
being attracted to someone who is older than them sometimes age was never a
factor. For Ankit Mathur who is a featured writer on the site, “The Guardian”,
he ended up in a committed relationship with an older woman but it wasn’t
because of any of the reasons mentioned above. He honestly thought she was
younger than she was. She was 39 years old at the time and he said that she
looked younger than 39. They met at a social gathering event that was organized
by an online international network in the month of March 2014. They spend
several hours debating about the results of a U.S. survey about poverty and the
economic system, but that’s it. They left their separate ways without
exchanging numbers. They didn’t see each other again until months later. They
spoke through email as he was signing up for another event, she emailed him
saying it would be nice to see him again. He reminisce how he found her
attractive when they first met and how he felt an immediate spark among them
during the debate they had months prior. When they met up again at the event he
took more notice of her but again he left without getting her number. That is
when he contacted her through the meetup email the very next day. After that
everything fell into place and they became a couple. Mathur never mentioned the
lady’s name, but she wasn’t the first older woman he dated. In his previous
relationship before his current, the lady was twelve years older than him. So
does that make him a man who is in search for an older woman? No, because he also
still finds women around his age and younger attractive as well. He now just
have a larger selection to choose from. I would say I’m the same way. In the
beginning of the article I mentioned how I thought I would become a cougar in
the future and marry a younger man, but recently I’ve became attracted to older
men. When I said this, that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t date a younger man in
the future. It just means that I’m willing to date someone who is either older
or younger than me.
While writer Ankit Mathur
may had a previous experience with dating someone who was years older than him,
for writer Karley Sciortino it was a different story. For Sciortino her
pervious relationship was with a guy who was a few years younger than her so
when an older guy started to take notice of her, she didn’t know how to react.
She published her experience on December 5
th, 2013. She had her
first experience dating an older man the past winter before writing her
article. The guy was a successful tech entrepreneur and he was in his late
forties, making him twenty years older than her. She went on three dates with
him. He made her feel comfortable because while she was with him, all her
responsibilities disappeared and he took care of everything. This was unusual
for her because she was used to taking care of herself and who ever she would
be dating at the time. But with this man she was seeing it was a different
experience. During this experience, she was able to see the benefits of dating
someone who was older than her. She said that dating the older guy didn’t have
anything to do with being financially stable by him, but she found that he had
more knowledge about the world and was confident in himself. He was also not
impressed with the use of doing drugs like people she knew around her age. Even
though this was her first experience dating an older man on a serious note it
wasn’t the first time she dealt with an older guy. Back in her junior high
school days dating high school guys was the cool thing to do. When she entered
high school dating college guys was the next big thing because they knew about
the underground bands, they didn’t live with their parents, and they could get
them alcohol. As she entered college and started to find herself and
independence, she found that dating older guys wasn’t as cool anymore. That is
when she only dated people who was very close to her age. In some ways, I can
relate to Karley. I too tend to date people who are very close to my age. I
never was the type of girl to date a certain type of person because it was
deemed the cool thing to do but instead I dated people of my choice and type.
Both of Karley Sciotino and Ankit Mathur’s stories are just some of the many examples
that shows how one can become attracted to someone older without age being a
real factor.
When it comes to dating
someone who is generations older or just older than you there are of course pros
and cons that comes with it. Kateri Wozny who is currently dating an older man.
She is a writer for Elite daily came up with a list of pros and cons that women
will probably go through when dating or marrying an older guy. There are five
things listed for pros. The first pro listed is that he’ll be more experienced
in life. His expanded knowledge can vary from his career, relationships, skills
in the bedroom, and his confidence about himself. The second pro is that he’ll
be financially secure. By him being financially secure, he’ll know how to make
money, how to stay on a budget, and how to prepare for retirement. The third
pro for dating or marrying an older guy is that he’ll be emotionally stable.
For Wozny, she found that by dating someone who is emotionally stable she is
able to communicate with him whenever there is a problem within the
relationship or with personal problems because he’ll be a great listener. The
fifth reason is that he’ll love the idea of romance. Kateri mentioned an
example of the time she went away and asked her boyfriend to take care of her
apartment and every time she comes back home she find flowers on the table,
chocolate or homemade gifts waiting for her. And lastly she listed that you two
will look good together. This pro is more so an opinion. She mentioned that
during her pervious relationship she received a lot of compliments from others.
Now we have to unfortunately cover the cons of dating an older man. You know
the saying, “everything good has to eventually come to an end”. Kateri listed
five cons when it comes to dating or marrying an older man. The first con that
is placed on the list is that he’ll be set in his ways. When it comes to dating
an older man who have experienced life more in depth and have become confidence
in themselves they will tend to want things his way and least likely to change.
Kateri found this fact was the most challenging in all her relationships when
it came to dating an older guy. The second con listed read that he’s afraid of
commitment. When I read the title I found it odd. I found it odd because I
never really experienced commitment issues from an older guy, I always received
the complete opposite. Every time an older guy tried to build a certain type of
relationship with me they usually rushed to be in a relationship without fully
knowing if I was the right one for them. This is probably why I’ve always shied
away from dating older guys. Back to Kateri’s list of cons, she finds it best
to not rush to create a title with an older guy because he might not be ready
for that type of commitment. The third con is that he’ll get compared to a
father figure. I find this con ironic. I find this ironic because the popular
nickname young guys and sometimes older men like being called by the person
they’re in a relationship with is “
daddy”,
but in Kateri’s list of cons it says that older guys don’t like being
considered a father figure or an old man. I find that this con only goes for
guys and older men who don’t like being called daddy by their partner. The
fourth con is that he’ll feel as though he has “power” in the relationship. He
might find that he believes he should be able to call all the shots in the
relationship because he’s older than you. Just because he’s older then you,
that doesn’t mean he should call all the shots. In the article, Kateri says
that both people in the relationship should equally call the shots and I one
hundred agree with her because both people have something valuable to add to
the relationship. Lastly, the fifth con was that he’s not going to be the life
of the party. When it comes to dating an older man, he’ll want to spend most of
his time in the house and less of his time outside the home. You’re going to
have to try to create a balance of spending time at home and spending time
outside the home. Kateri suggests that you two stay in for a couple nights by
making dinner and watching a movie and doing one extreme outing during the
week, even if it’s just for a bit. She also suggests that if he can’t then make
it an outing with your friends.
If you haven’t noticed that
whenever I cover anything that deals with why women dates or marry an older men
it is always longer than anything that deals with why men dates or marry older
women. While I’m going to be the first to tell you that I have. They do say
that women love to talk with a lot of detail so I guess it was the same when it
comes to writing. So there shouldn’t be no surprise that on the site, Ask Men,
there would be a smaller list of pros and cons for men who dates or marry older
women. In the article the writer Melissa LaRicca starts off with the list of
cons. In the list of cons there are three items listed. The first item listed
is titled “bag lady”. When LaRicca mentions the title bag lady she is saying
that older women usually carry a lot of weigh and problems from pervious
relationships. That weight can be caused by a various list of things such as
ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, children, financial problems, and even problems
with her job. Melissa suggests that if you plan to get romantically linked with
an older woman then you’re going to have to realize that an older woman generally
has more to worry about than the problems you face. I can relate to both sides
of this. On one side of this, I don’t just attract older guys or guys my age
but I also attract guys that are younger than me and the hardest thing they
could never understand was the fact that I was always busy even during my
breaks from college. As I’m writing this article, I’m on my winter break and
preparing to complete some more tasks before the spring semester starts. I have
also have been on the other side of this as well. There would be times where
I’ve found time to take a break from my activities and that would be the time
where I want all the attention on me, but because the guy was just as or more
busy than I was, my wish wasn’t granted all the time. The second con listed is
titled Mrs. Robinson. At the first glance of the title you’re probably
wondering what does being “Mrs. Robinson” means. In the description of the
title it another way to say this type of relationship is taboo. This also comes
into conflict with the believe that society make it seem like it is okay for an
older man to date a young woman but that’s not the case the other way around.
In a previous article mentioned before, the author from All Women Talk said
that women who dates older men was taboo in society so which one is right? That
will always be an unanswered question that needs to be answered. And the third
con and a popular term that is used among a large amount of people, “The
Cougar”. The term Cougar is a title given to a woman who likes to date or have
sexual relations with younger men. In the article, LaRicca mentions that in
this type of relationship the woman is usually in control and calls most of the
shots if not all the shots in the relationship. In the same scenario where a
woman dates an older man, the woman shouldn’t call all the shots and should be
equally shared because both people have valuable input to include in their
relationship. After covering the list of cons Melissa covers the list of pros
of dating an older woman. There are three items on this list as well. The first
pro is titled, “Boy Toy”. Older women who are in search for a younger man are
usually women who just got out of a marriage or is not really looking for
anything serious. Sometimes it can be both reasons. These type of women also
just want to add some spice to their life. By dealing with an older woman, guys
can learn some new skills in the bedroom and “who is no longer sexually
inhibited and knows what she wants in the bedroom”, according to Melissa. With
that being said, she will be more open to try new things and is not afraid to
express her sexuality. The second pro listed is titled, “she’s over it”. This
title means that older women are more confident than younger women since they
lived long enough to work on any insecurities they once had. And lastly the
third pro of dating an older woman is titled, “go for it”. Technically there
were only two pros listed for men dating an older woman. In the section titled,
“go for it”. Melissa advises to go through the pros and cons and you decide
whether it’s worth dealing with an older woman. So I guess it’s your turn to be
the judge.
According to EliteSingles,
they found that men who are around the ages of 20 and 29 are more likely to
prefer dating older women when they completed a study of over 45,000 online
daters that was created on their site. In a previous study made by OkCupid a
few months before EliteSingles released their article, they found that an
important characteristic men really wanted in women was youthfulness and women
over the age of 22 was seen as less attractive to men. In their study they did
not specialized the type of people who were included in these studies so we
wouldn’t be able to come up with any reasons why men wouldn’t find a 23 year
old woman or older more or equally attractive than a woman who is 22 and under.
The OkCupid study mentioned that men are probably fearful that “aging keeps
women from grappling like a rabid vampire for a woman young enough to be their
daughter or granddaughter”. Well according to the recent study, that just might
not be true after all. Men around the ages of 20 and 29 finds both younger and
older women attractive. For men who are in their 20s, they find women who are
around eleven years older than them still attractive and datable. In the same
study women who prefer to date older men, the reasonable gap in age between
partners remained eleven years apart. EliteSingles came up with the conclusion
on why OkCupid and EliteSingles reported two different results. EliteSingles
says that their results were different from one another because it has to do
will society changing. When OkCupid made their study, men were most likely to
date women who were younger than them. As times change women have receive more
responisiblities than women had decades before. Sam Owen, who is a
psychologist, says that the reason for the increase interest in older women
from younger guys is because they are now noticing how older women are able to
juggle a lot of responsibilities such as their career, taking care of their
children, and housekeeping. Even though men will usually date women who are
between eleven years younger or eleven years older; older women around the age
of 50 will date an older man who is between six years. When it comes to older women
dating younger men they will usually date someone who are between three years
younger than themselves according to this research.
So when it comes to people
who like to date older people it seems as though there are more reasons why
both women and men choose to do so than what was once believed to be. Out of
all the reasons combined having someone who was mentally mature, who is
financially stable, and someone who had more life experiences came on top as
the main reasons why men and women found older people attractive and datable
compared to people around their age and younger. It was once believed that
women only dated older men because older men are successful in their career and
men only dated older women for their advance sexual experiences, but as we
found out in this article those are just stereotypes that doesn’t go for
everyone. In the article we also covered examples of people and why they choose
to date someone who is older than them. One person in particular mentioned that
they wanted someone who was financially stable and she mostly found that
quality with older men. Others mentioned that the person’s age had little to do
with the reason why they became attracted to the person they were dating.
Overall, age has little to do with why people choose or prefer to date an older
person.
